


Elemental

by EllaMynne



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Plot, Sex, Slow Burn, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaMynne/pseuds/EllaMynne
Summary: While abroad on assignment, an incident in D.C. forces Red and Liz to remain outside of the US. The two must navigate their changing relationship as they face their own set of challenges overseas.
Relationships: Elizabeth Keen & Raymond Reddington, Elizabeth Keen/Raymond Reddington
Comments: 58
Kudos: 153





	1. Travel Plans

**Author's Note:**

> AU in which Liz and Tom are divorced and there’s no Agnes. And, while Tom was not a nice guy, he was actually just a teacher. Red is not Liz’ father (Liz has never thought that he is) and the two were never on the run together. I’m mostly just using the characters and some elements of the existing storylines as inspiration, so try not to get too caught up in consistency with the show – I like lots of the dynamic between Red and Liz, so I just wanted to write a story about a relationship between them. I’m definitely not caught up on the show anyway!
> 
> This is my first go of writing anything fiction, so I always appreciate any feedback or constructive criticism (whether that be on my writing, storyline, or whatever!). I have an idea of where I want this story to go, but I’m happy to take in recommendations. I really welcome all comments, and I hope to respond to them if people do end up becoming interested enough in my work to leave them. My main experience writing is academic, and I wanted to try something new, so I hope you’ll bear with me. I love reading Blacklist stories on here so I thought I might as well try to contribute.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Blacklist or any of its characters. I do not make any profit from this work. This is strictly for the purpose of entertainment.

_You have got to be kidding me_ , she thought. Of course, on her first day off in weeks, _he_ would be calling her obscenely early in the morning.

“Yes?” Liz answered her cell, trying to keep as much of the annoyance out of her voice as she could…and failing miserably.

“Lizzy! I didn’t think you’d pick up. You’re up early for a day off.” Red said in his classic jovial manner.

“You calling is what woke me up!” Now she was more than a little annoyed.

“Oh, well, sorry about that. I had hoped to leave a message, but this is actually better. I’m afraid you won’t be having much of a day off after all, and it’d be best to get started early. I’ll be over in 20. And coffee’s on me.”

“Fine,” she sighed and hung up without saying goodbye.

Liz stretched her arms above her head, let out a groan, and rolled her way out of bed, staggering to the shower. The task force had been working non-stop on a case for weeks, and she had just finished her paperwork last night. She had been so looking forward to at least one day of rest: no phone calls, no running after criminals, and no Red. She had to admit that she and Red had been getting closer as of late, but that didn’t stop the fact that sometimes there was such a thing as too much of the man. On one hand, whenever he was in her life it meant more work, less sleep, and that numerous lives were likely in danger. On the other hand, she always felt a kind of anxiety when she was with him for too long. He was just too smart, too well-spoken, and too put together for her not to feel a little insecure after a while.

Liz hopped into the shower and the hot water made her wish even more that she could just relax her aching muscles with a long soak in the bath. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d spoiled herself like that. Not only had work been exceedingly taxing, but an increasingly strained marriage followed by a tense divorce had also taken its toll.

Drying off, she put on a dash of makeup and threw on some jeans and a tank top. She wasn’t about to get dressed up before she knew what the hell she was getting into. She was just putting her hair up into a towel as she heard and knock on the door.

“Good morning, Lizzy. You look wonderful as always,” Red smiled, walking past her into the hallway.

“Right, thanks,” she responded sarcastically. “Hey Dembe.” She gave Red’s right-hand man a much warmer smile as he entered the house.

“So, what’s up?” Liz sat down at the table across from Red and Dembe, taking a sip of the coffee Red had brought for her. At least he’d made good on that promise.

“A new Blacklister of course,” Red explained. “His name is Maurizio Rossi and, like many of our friends on the list, he’s about as bad as they come. Maurizio here specializes in moving drugs. Cocaine, mostly.”

“What makes him worthy of a spot on the Blacklist?” Lizzy inquired.

“Well it’s the way he moves the drugs. He uses those migrating into the country as his mules, the most vulnerable and desperate. He has a lot of friends in Italian immigration that help speed the process along for those who he can convince to participate. The worst part, however, is that he tends to use the children of the families as often as he can. They’re much less likely to be targeted and searched when crossing borders, you see.”

“You weren’t kidding when you said he was bad.” Liz shook her head. Her job had hardened her in some ways to the evil that people were capable of, but whenever kids were involved it was still difficult to hear.

“He spends most of his time in Columbia finding those desperate enough to take the risk, but I’ve heard he’ll be spending a prolonged time in Italy, starting next week,” Red said. “I think it’s time to take a little trip. What do you think?”

“You want to go to Italy to catch this guy?” Liz asked.

“Why not?” Red tilted his head the way he always did. “He’s hosting a massive party, and I was able to get myself on the guest list as a plus one of a friend of mine, Eileena Pasek.”

“Why does that name sound familiar?” Liz asked. With Reddington, that was never a good sign.

“She’s an arms dealer. Former-arms dealer, actually. Well, mostly former. She followed in her father’s footsteps at first, but she’s gotten tired of the game for now and seems more or less content to enjoy her family’s already extraordinary wealth. There’s no need to worry about her. I convinced Eileena to convince Maurizio to add two spots for you and Ressler, under assumed names of course. I’d much rather keep Donald out of this, but you know how Harold hates to see him left out. You’ll be posing as my associates, and I’ll pretend to be there in an attempt to get in on Maurizio’s business, proposing an American expansion.”

“And to socialize with the lovely Eileena, of course,” he added, winking.

Liz felt a small pang of jealousy at the thought, but she quickly pushed the emotion away. She’d found recently that she’d been feeling more possessive of Reddington and his attention. Even on days when she was sick of him, she didn’t like the feeling of him focusing on someone else.

_Why do I feel this way? You have no claim over him, and he definitely has no claim over you… right?_

“Okay, sure. I guess that makes sense.” Liz responded. “So, what, you’ll find a way to get him in a back room or something and we stage a way to take him out? You don’t think the Italians will want him?”

“He’s American-born, actually. Ironically, he himself is not even an Italian citizen. His grandparents were the last ones in his family that were even born there.”

“Well that makes things a bit easier, but it’s not unlikely we’ll anticipate some problems. I’ll be sure to flag that for Cooper. Just give me a few minutes to finish getting ready, and I’ll call together the team. We can meet at the Post Office later, so you don’t have to wait,” Liz said.

“Nonsense, take your time. We’ll drive you,” Red responded.

Liz went upstairs to change and finish drying her hair. Some part of her was glad that Reddington was willing to wait for her to get a few more minutes together in the car. _He’s always like this. Don’t get carried away,_ she thought. She knew she wasn’t supposed to think of Red any differently than she would any other CI. But that was difficult, obviously, given the odd nature of the relationship. And they always had had a deeper chemistry. She knew bits and pieces of his connections to her, and after working together for over a year in the way they had, they’d obviously grown quite close. She cared for the man, and she knew he cared for her, but she didn’t want to have to think about the exact nature of their relationship. At least not right now. _You’ve got work to do. Pull yourself together._

* * *

An hour later they had assembled at the Post Office and Liz had given the team the run down of everything she’d learnt from Red.

“Agents Ressler and Keen, you’ll go undercover, and we’ll organize a team to take Rossi when Reddington gets him away from the party and gives the word,” Cooper summarized.

The team continued to iron out the details of Liz and Ressler’s identities and Aram found out everything he could about Rossi and his organization.

“Lizzy, can I have a word?” Red put his hand on Liz’ arm and guided her to her office.

“What’s up?”

“I thought it might be nice to go over a day or two early. I’m sorry to have rid you of your day off and the least I can do is treat you to some gelato. And I’d much rather travel with you than all alone, or, God forbid, with Ressler and a team of FBI lackeys.” Red smiled at her. “What do you say?”

“Uh, I mean I guess it’d be nice to have a day off, if we can spare it.”

“The party isn’t until the end of the week. Either you wait here or enjoy your time in Italy. I’ll be recommending to Harold that he give you a couple days to rest up anyway, so you’d might as well relax with some authentic Italian gelato in your hand.”

He always had a way of convincing her. Even though this would be hard to say no to, no matter who was offering.

Liz beamed, “That does sound pretty damn nice. If you can persuade Cooper then I’m all in.”

“Splendid!” Red clapped his hands together, “It’s all set. And don’t worry about preparing for Saturday. I’ll explain everything you need to know on the plane, and I’ll be sure to have a host of dresses, shoes, and accessories sent to our hotel for you to choose from. Just pack what you need for a couple days of sightseeing.” Red gave her arm a squeeze and turned to leave.

“Thank you,” Liz called after him. “This is really nice of you, and I’m really looking forward to it.”

“You’re very welcome, Lizzy. I’m looking forward to it too.” He said earnestly. He tipped his hat and continued out the door. She watched as he made his way to Cooper, evidently explaining his plan for him and Lizzy. Cooper turned around and gave Liz a thumbs up.

“See you Saturday, Donald.” Red waved over his shoulder, not looking back, as he and Dembe walked towards the elevator. “Don’t be late, and bring a tux. Oh, and get a damn haircut.”


	2. Wheels Up

Liz went home a couple hours after Reddington had left the Post Office, and she was more excited than she thought she would be at the prospect of packing for two days of vacation in Italy. Maurizio Rossi owned a mansion in Florence, which is where the party was being held, but Liz was barely even thinking about the work they’d be doing there. All she could think about was seeing the Florence Cathedral, eating pizza and pasta, and drinking as much wine as she could handle.

By 9 o’clock she had packed a variety of sundresses, shorts, tank tops, and sandals. Even though it was only a couple of days she couldn’t resist over-packing. And now all she had to do was wait for Reddington to collect her in the morning, but there was no way she would be able to sleep with all this excited energy.

Liz hopped downstairs to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine to encourage her brain to calm down.

_Why am I so excited? I mean, it’s Italy and it’s a vacation, but you’re seriously amped up right now._

She didn’t want to let her mind wander to thoughts of two days of freedom just her and Reddington. It was like all of her irritation with the man had completely melted away in a single afternoon. And, if she was being completely honest with herself, she was very intrigued at the idea of a non-work rendezvous with him away from all of her worries. Recently, she’d abandoned her constant questioning of him regarding her parents and Red’s apparent longstanding connections to her past. She’d been more content as of late to just focus on their relationship in the present. Likely because of how much work they’d been doing recently that she didn’t have the energy to focus on anything else.

Liz wandered around the kitchen and the living room drawing the curtains closed, sipping her wine and trying to clear her head of any more intrusive thoughts. She heard her phone vibrate with a text message over on the counter.

**Nick’s Pizza: Dembe and I will be over to pick you up at 8:00 tomorrow morning, okay?**

**Liz: Sounds good! Can’t wait :)**

Liz stared at her phone for a few moments. _Why was he texting? He never texts if he can call. I mean, sometimes he’ll even respond to my texts with a phone call for crying out loud._

She continued staring at her phone, waiting for another message, but nothing came.

_You’re overthinking everything… again. Maybe you should just try getting some sleep._

She sighed and put her phone in her pocket. Draining her glass, she quickly washed it in the sink and then trudged back upstairs.

* * *

Liz was awake an hour before her alarm, but she decided to get up anyway. She made some coffee, rechecked her suitcase (and packed a few extra things), and then decided to watch some TV until Red and Dembe came to get her. All too soon, it was 8 o’clock and she heard a car pulling up out front. Right on time, as always.

Liz pulled open the front door and waved to Red and Dembe as they exited the vehicle.

“Good morning!” she called, beaming at the two men.

“Good morning, Lizzy. Excited, are we?” Red chuckled, walking up the front steps and giving her arm a squeeze.

“You bet! I’ll just grab my suitcase from upstairs and then I’m all set.” Liz turned and left them in the entranceway.

Soon enough the car was packed and the three were on their way to meet Edward with Red’s private jet. Liz felt strangely awkward in the car, realizing fully that this was a new milestone for her and Red. Although the two had spent countless hours together, they were always together in the name of work. When her divorce with Tom had become final four months ago, Red had been sure to check up on her, but he had continued to keep the distance Liz had asked of him. The last thing she wanted was for her work to get pulled into her personal issues, especially anything to do with Tom. If she had her way, she wished she could just forget the whole marriage even happened. She wished even more that she could go back in time and tell herself not to marry him, but she knew that she just had to accept that it was a chapter in her life that would always exist, but that it was, thankfully, over now.

It had been almost ten minutes since anyone had spoken, and Liz could see Red staring at her in her peripheral vision.

“What’s on your mind, Lizzy?” He broke the silence.

“Oh, just thinking about… well I don’t know. Just looking forward to the trip, I guess,” she knew she didn’t sound convincing.

“I think we’ll have a lovely time. I feel like we rarely get to spend quality time together, and I’m looking forward to seeing you laid back.” As always, Red seemed to know exactly what she was really thinking.

Liz turned her head to look back at him and smiled, “Me too.”

* * *

During the rest of the car ride Liz began to relax and once they were on the plane, she started to ask questions about the plans Reddington had for them over the next two days. He explained how everything they did was up to her, but that he had numerous suggestions if she was looking for any input. She knew he would plan a much better trip than her, having been to these places himself before, so she told him to surprise her, which seemed to make him very happy.

As Red poured over his files and newspapers – the man could never truly take a break – Liz tried to make up from the lost sleep the night before, reclining in her chair and curling up with a blanket. But her mind kept thinking back to last night, and what she thought was odd behaviour on Red’s part regarding his impersonal text message.

“Red,” Liz propped herself up on her elbow, “why did you text last night instead of call?”

As soon as the question left her lips she regretted it. _Why am I questioning him on something so small and insignificant? He’s going to think that I’m obsessive._

“Hmm?” Red looked up.

“Uh, never mind. It’s – just forget it.” Liz tried to put the matter to bed.

“Well, you obviously asked for a reason. I was having my teeth cleaned. You’re right though, I’ve never been one to text.” He smiled warmly back at her.

“Oh. Okay. Well, they do look extra white,” Liz sat back down, cringing inwardly. Although she was feeling supremely embarrassed, she was happy to have her answer.

* * *

_Could she get more adorable?_

Red couldn’t help but smile at Elizabeth’s interrogation. Turning back to his paperwork, he too let his mind wander to thoughts of the trip and what it might have in store for their relationship. While he did think this would be a much-needed opportunity for Liz to actually relax and take some time off, he was also hoping that it would bring the two of them closer together. He cared deeply about her, and he saw how she was not only being overworked, but how her failing relationship with Tom had caused her additional strain.

He didn’t know the details of her divorce, and he wasn’t going to prod, but he did know more than Elizabeth thought he did. Around him and her colleagues she maintained that the two had just grown apart; that they had different values now; or that work had caused too much tension between the two of them, and ultimately, she had to choose one over the other. Red knew that these were all true to some extent of course, but he guessed that there was more going on. He never wanted to intrude on Elizabeth’s privacy, but he would be remiss if he didn’t add an extra layer of hidden protection now that she was in close association with himself. Unbeknownst to Liz, he had ensured that two bodyguards would be stationed outside her house and would follow her around town as required. Although he knew Elizabeth would be upset if she ever found out, but he weighed her safety as much more important than that potential outburst.

Not only did he benefit from having that peace of mind, but he had also been able to find out a bit more about this woman he cared so much for. He learned about her favourite restaurants and her favourite parks to walk her dog. But he had also found out that more nights than not one could hear shouting coming from her house and Tom could be seen storming out the front door late at night. She didn’t like to talk about how Tom had gotten Hudson in the divorce, but he knew that she now frequented dog parks just to watch the creatures she loved.

Red hoped that these few days in Italy together would give Liz an opportunity to see that life had the ability to get bright again. That there were better days ahead than there were behind her. And, with any luck, he hoped it would bring them just a little bit closer.

But he knew he was putting a lot of hope in two short days.


	3. Relief

“Are we almost there?” Liz asked sleepily. She had finally ended up drifting off after tossing and turning for the better part of an hour.

“Still a few more hours,” Red replied. “I’m glad to see you got some sleep in. You obviously needed it.”

“Yeah, how long was I out?” Liz stretched and looked out the window at the clouds below. _Now_ she was feeling relaxed.

“Nearly four hours,” Red replied. “Have you been having trouble sleeping lately?”

“You can say that again. But are you surprised? You’ve seen how late we’ve been working these past few weeks. And you’re one to talk about getting enough sleep,” she chided.

“Touché.”

“So, what’s next? You’re the boss of this trip.” Liz sat up and moved into the seat facing Reddington.

“Well, we do have a few hours to kill. And, I promised you no work until it was absolutely necessary, so I’ll try to make it fun.” Red smiled.

“Oh, actually I did have one work-related question. Just one!” She cut Red off, seeing he was about to interject.

“Okay, but only one.” He smiled back.

“If all goes well and we do get Rossi, what happens to all the people who thought they had a ticket to Italian citizenship? I mean, I’m glad they won’t be risking their life for him anymore, but that’s still got to be devastating for them. Are we going to be able to address that in any way?”

“Your heart never ceases to amaze me, Lizzy. Yes, I’ll do my best to ensure that they all get what they were promised without having to fulfill their end of the deal.”

“Thank you, Red. You’ve got a pretty great heart as well.”

The two looked at each other for a few moments before Liz lost her nerve and turned to look out the window again. _What is this man doing to you?_

“So,” Red broke the silence, “I think I promised you a fun way to pass the time. What would you say to an invigorating game of chess?”

Liz rolled her eyes in return. “Wow, that sounds like _so_ much fun.”

“I’m glad you agree.”

* * *

Several games of chess and much conversation later, they had finally reached their destination. It was just after midnight when they landed in Florence, but Liz was far from sleepy.

_So much for avoiding_ _jet lag_ , she thought. Although the numerous hours of sleep she’d had on the flight had seemed like a good idea at the time, she was fast beginning to regret her decision.

“I shouldn’t have slept so much on the plane,” she voiced her concern as they walked to the car. “I’ll never be able to fall asleep now.”

“You’re on vacation! You have all the time in the world to sleep in tomorrow.” Red assured her.

“But I don’t want to sleep in! We only have two days here, after all.” Liz said.

“How about if I promise to take you back again one day?” Red asked.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” she replied.

* * *

They arrived at their hotel an hour later. It was incredibly opulent, and even though Liz had expected as much, the elegance still took her aback. And, of course, Red had gotten the penthouse.

“At how many hotels do you keep a regular room?” Liz inquired.

“Oh, fewer than you think, I’m sure,” Red replied. “I’m really not half the man they make me out to be.”

“I’m not quite convinced,” Liz said as Red opened the door to the suite.

The living room of the suite was massive, with numerous plush couches and chairs. Bouquets of flowers littered the end tables and two floor-to-ceiling French doors led to a huge balcony offering a stunning view of the city.

“I can’t believe we’re actually staying here!” Liz squealed.

Red chuckled, amused and touched at her excitement.

“You can thank Harold for that. He was willing to bend the rules ever so slightly when I agreed to foot the bill for the team to stay here. When in Florence, as they ought to say,” Red joked.

“That’s really generous of you, Red. Thanks so much.” Liz said earnestly.

“It’s nothing, Lizzy. As much as I like to go on about the less-than-ideal situations I’ve been able to endure, I really am a slave to comfort at heart.” Red took Liz’ suitcase from her hand. “Come on, I’ll show you your room.”

To the left, Liz could see an open doorway leading to an impressive kitchen and dining area. She peeked her head inside before following Red into the other room on that side of the living room.

“There’s an ensuite attached to each bedroom,” Red explained, “and Dembe and I will be in the rooms across from yours. The others will all be staying in rooms just below us.

Again, Liz could hardly believe her eyes. The large room held a king-sized bed and she could see an equally elegant bathroom with a claw-foot tub.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, “I can’t wait to take a bath!”

Red chuckled. “Don’t let me keep you. You’re welcome to join Dembe and I for a night cap, otherwise I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep in as late as you’d like. The next two days are all yours.”

“Thanks again, Red. For everything. This is all too much.”

“You deserve it Lizzy. You really do. And I’m going to keep saying it until you believe it.” Red walked back to her and gave her a hug, smoothing his hand down her hair.

They broke apart and Liz went to sit down on the bed. “You and Dembe enjoy your drinks. I’m going to relax in the bath, and then maybe I’ll get to sleep before 2 o’clock, but that still doesn’t seem too likely.”

“You run your bath and I’ll pour you a glass of wine. How does that sound?”

“That sounds like heaven,” Liz responded.

* * *

Not ten minutes later and Liz really did feel as though she was in heaven. She was sipping her wine and was utterly stress-free as she soaked in the hot bubbles. She could faintly hear Dembe and Red chatting over drinks in the next room and she felt less alone than she had in months.

While she didn’t miss her relationship with Tom specifically, she missed living with a companion. She missed hearing someone else in the house and hearing Hudson’s little feet on the floor. Now, each day she came back to a house that was cold and dark. And she would find herself alone.

But here she was in Italy. She was cozy in a hot bath, there was a warm glow of light filling the room, and she could hear the easy conversation of two close friends in the next room. Two friends who cared about her, too.

Without warning she felt a surge of tears, but she did nothing to stop them. They were a release. Finally, she was free of Tom, free from loneliness, and free of work, if only for a few days. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of her chest and she could breathe deeply again. She saw the light at what had once seemed like an endless dark tunnel. Things were going to be okay again.

After what seemed like hours, the water began to cool, and Liz could feel her exhaustion coming back again. As amazing as the tears had felt, they still made her weary. She emptied the tub, finished her wine, and began to get ready for bed, still lost in thought.

Outside, Red and Dembe too were wrapping up their nightcap. They bid each other goodnight and Dembe retired to his bedroom. Red looked over at Liz’ door and could see the light still on through the gap under the door.

He walked over to the closed door and leaned against the wall.

“I see your light is still on. I hope you had a lovely bath. I just came to say goodnight, Lizzy.”

Red’s soft tone brought Liz out of her reverie.

“Thanks, it was lovely. I’ll see you in the morning,” she replied, trying to mask the sound of tears in her voice.

_Is she crying?_

“Are you alright Lizzy?” Red asked, concerned. _What could have happened?_

“I’m fine Red. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Red. I promise I’m fine.”

Red paused before speaking again. “Okay, well if you need _anything_ , remember I’m just a room away. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

He knew something must be wrong, but he didn’t want to push her too far. He felt equally awkward pressing the matter as he did guilty at leaving her alone. He just hoped she would be feeling better by morning. Or that she was willing to talk to him by then.

Red reached out and brushed his fingers against the door, subconsciously trying to get as close to her as he could. _Tomorrow_ , he thought to himself, _tomorrow she’ll feel better_.

Walking to his room, he closed the door behind him and went to sit in the armchair in the corner of the room, not actually ready to attempt sleep just yet. Although it was already past 2 o’clock in the morning, it would be another hour yet before he would lay in bed. Instead he undid the buttons on his vest, loosened his tie, and began to leaf through a book of poems he had taken with him, one he had “borrowed” from the last safe house he had occupied.

_The Journey_

_by Mary Oliver_

_One day you finally knew_

_what you had to do, and began,_

_though the voices around you_

_kept shouting_

_their bad advice--_

_though the whole house_

_began to tremble_

_and you felt the old tug_

_at your ankles._

_"Mend my life!"_

_each voice cried._

_But you didn't stop._

_You knew what you had to do,_

_though the wind pried_

_with its stiff fingers_

_at the very foundations,_

_though their melancholy_

_was terrible._

_It was already late_

_enough, and a wild night,_

_and the road full of fallen_

_branches and stones._

_But little by little,_

_as you left their voices behind,_

_the stars began to burn_

_through the sheets of clouds,_

_and there was a new voice_

_which you slowly_

_recognized as your own,_

_that kept you company_

_as you strode deeper and deeper_

_into the world,_

_determined to do_

_the only thing you could do--_

_determined to save_

_the only life you could save._

* * *

Liz climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She reveled in the cool sheets and the soft pillows. _Tomorrow_ , she thought, _tomorrow will be perfect._


	4. Dress Rehearsal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would appreciate any and all feedback you have.

Red woke still sitting fully dressed in the armchair. He groaned, stretched, and checked the clock: 8:00. He had gotten just under 5 hours of sleep, which to him was a full night’s rest.

He wandered over to the bathroom, taking his time with his morning routine. He knew Lizzy wouldn’t be up for a while yet. He let the hot water loosen his muscles and was careful and methodical in his shaving. He felt pleasantly relaxed, almost as if this was his vacation too. This was the closest he could ever come to a real vacation, he supposed.

He forewent his usual tie, vest, and hat for breakfast and only donned his beige linen suit pants and crisp white shirt.

It was already nearing 9 o’clock as Red walked over to the kitchen and met Dembe reading a book over a mug of coffee.

“Good morning, Raymond,” Dembe looked up and gave Red a slight smile.

“It is a _great_ morning, Dembe,” Red replied, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot Dembe had brewed.

“Shall I order some breakfast?” Dembe asked.

“I can wait for Elizabeth. Feel free to get something for yourself if you’d like.” Red responded.

Dembe shook his head. “I’m fine,” he replied. “Where are you taking Elizabeth today?”

“Depending on the time, I thought we’d start off at the Florence Cathedral. I know she wanted to see that. Then, well, we’ll just have to see. You can be sure that we’ll visit Flavio for some treats, and we’ll be dining at Enoteca Pinchiorri this evening – I haven’t seen Annie in a decade, so I thought she might appreciate the surprise.”

“The dresses will be here by three,” Dembe reminded.

“Perfect. She can try them on before we go to dinner.” Red smiled.

He had arranged for a selection of dresses and accessories to be delivered so Elizabeth had her choice of what to wear to Maurizio’s party. He thought she looked beautiful regardless of what she was wearing, but he hoped that dressing up brought back some of the confidence she had lost over the past year. A divorce was bound to take a hit to anyone’s self-esteem, even if it was Elizabeth who had made the decision to leave Tom.

Red attempted to read the paper on the table in front of him, but his thoughts were repeatedly drawn to how Lizzy might look all dolled up.

* * *

Liz could feel the sunlight on her face before she opened her eyes. She rolled over and checked the clock on the bedside table: 10:00. _Enough time to get a full day of vacation, while also feeling well-rested_ , she thought. _I told you this day would be perfect_.

Liz quickly went to take a shower, feeling hunger already starting to get to her.

Red looked up from his paper as he heard Liz walk into the kitchen. She was wrapped in a white hotel bathrobe and looked refreshed and happier than he’d seen her in a while.

“Good morning, Lizzy. How was your sleep?” Red asked, beaming up at her from his seat at the table.

“Absolutely fantastic. But I have to say, I’m starving,” she replied.

“I ordered some breakfast when I heard your shower running. It should be up here soon. I’m glad you feel well-rested.” Red said.

As usual, Liz was touched by Red’s thoughtfulness. _Is there nothing this man can’t prepare for?_

“So, where are you taking me today?” Liz asked?

“I thought I might surprise you. How does that sound?” Red asked jovially.

“Okay, I trust you,” she said.

“I’m glad to hear you say that, Lizzy,” Red replied, more seriously than their light conversation warranted. “You can always trust me.”

Before Liz could respond there was a soft knock at the door. Red quickly rose out of his seat “Breakfast’s ready!”

As the two of them ate – Dembe had taken his breakfast out into the living room with his book – Liz couldn’t help but admire Red’s dressed-down appearance. She rarely saw him without a tie, let alone without a vest and with his shirt sleeves rolled up. She was reminded at length just how handsome Red really was. He was well-built, but in a natural way that demonstrated a well-rounded life rather than someone who spent hours at the gym or who was consumed by cosmetic procedures. Red had made a joke once that he had had work done, but if he was being honest, she couldn’t have guessed what. He genuinely looked naturally handsome. _Although, of course he would pay for the best of the best_.

He had left a few buttons undone at his collar, and a smattering of chest hair was visible at the gap. She tried to concentrate on her pastry but kept being drawn to the little tuft, a sight she was rarely privy to. She had barely even thought about another man since her divorce, not in respect for her ex, but rather she just felt that she had gone off men for a while.

And Red was indeed a man. _Oh god, is he a man._

* * *

By noon they were out exploring in the streets of Florence, Liz and Red walking side-by-side while Dembe trailed with his ever-watchful eye. Liz marveled over the Florence Cathedral as Red spewed out interesting facts and anecdotes from his previous travels in the area. After stopping at food truck for lunch – Red was willing to forego another expensive meal at Liz’ request – Red brought Liz to his favourite place for gelato in the city. As was often the case, Red had a previous friendship with the owner, Flavio, and the two joked like old friends while Liz picked out her flavour. They were sat out on the shop’s patio, eating their desserts, when Red decided to try his luck at an avenue of conversation that was usually off-limits.

“I’ve been meaning to say it, but I never got the chance – I think you were very strong in how you handled your separation.”

“What makes you say that?” Liz asked.

 _No pushback just yet – that’s a good sign_ , Red thought.

“It takes bravery to decide to change your life in such a drastic way. And to handle it with the grace you did, while continuing work, I think that shows a lot of strength,” he said sincerely.

“Well, thanks,” she responded. “I guess you didn’t buy it when I said it was a mutual split?”

“I always thought it was a little harsh that Tom took the dog. I figured if it really was mutual, you would have come to some sort of an agreement.” Red shrugged.

“Fair enough. I’m still mad at him for a lot of things, but that’s definitely at the top of my list.”

“Why are you still angry at Tom, when you were the one who left him.” Red prodded, trying to push his luck a little further.

“I mean I divorced him for a reason – for a lot of reasons. I’ve been angry for a long time.” She paused. “I just try not to think of him anymore if I can help it.”

“That’s understandable. Do you feel like you’ve been able to move on?”

“I guess a little bit. I don’t know.” She fiddled with her spoon and empty gelato cup, her mind drifting.

_Am I moving on? Some days it feels like a chapter of my life that’s truly closed, but then other days it feels like I’ll never get past it – get past him._

“What made you bring this up?” Lizzy asked, breaking her silence.

“I suppose I see this as a turning period in your life, and you being willing to come out here with me for a few days symbolized to me that you might be starting to see things in a new light, too. You’ve grown a lot in the past few months, and I see you finding your way back to yourself – and finding out more about yourself in the process. I find myself wanting to be a part of that process, to help you along if I can. If you’ll let me in.” Red surprised himself with his own honesty.

“I still feel stuck in time. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it feels like I’m stuck in limbo between being married and not. I thought that feeling would end once the divorce was final, but it hasn’t. It’s like he still has this hold on me, and I _hate_ that. I hope you’re right, though. That this is a turning point. And of course I want you to be a part of my life still – I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”

“You are indeed. Give it time, Lizzy. Things will come together again.”

“Thanks, Red.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Liz thought she would feel regretful having opened up more to Red about her feelings surrounding the divorce, but she was surprised to find herself feeling somewhat relieved. Like she was sharing the burden of these feelings with someone who wanted to help her carry the load. He always seemed to know exactly what to say, when she did decide to let him in. _Maybe it isn’t such a bad idea to be vulnerable every once and a while._

* * *

Once evening was approaching, they made their way back to the hotel. As they entered their suite, Lizzy saw a rack full of beautiful gowns, along with boxes of shoes and jewelry on the surrounding end tables.

“Oh my god, Red!” Liz exclaimed, unable to stop herself from going across the floor to examine the gowns.

“Only the best, of course,” Red remarked, glad to see Liz’ face brightening at the attire on display. “Take your time trying them on.”

“I’ll need your and Dembe’s advice, of course.”

“Then I believe a fashion show is in order.” Red grinned at her. “We’ll wait out here, and you can show us your favourites.”

Dembe helped Liz wheel the clothes rack into her bedroom, then went back out to join Red on one of the large sofas in the living room.

Inside her room, Liz admired the dresses one by one. They were all floor length, but there was a variety of colours and styles. There were far too many to try them all on, so Liz chose her three favourites and lay them out on the bed.

When she stepped outside in her first pick, Red’s eyebrows shot up. She had opted first for a black dress with long lace sleeves and a plunging neckline, feeling more confident than usual.

“What do you think?” Liz posed in front of the two men.

“It’s certainly, uh, fetching,” Red stumbled over his words, taken back at Liz’ appearance. He rarely, if ever, saw her in anything but a modest blouse, and was slightly taken aback seeing her figure on full display. _Pull yourself together, man._

“Well thank you very much.” Liz gave a little curtsey. “What do you think Dembe?”

“I agree with Raymond – you look lovely, Elizabeth. But perhaps it is a bit too dark for summer?” Dembe voiced.

“You might be right,” Liz agreed. “I’ll try another one.”

As Liz went back into her room to change, Dembe glanced over at Red.

“Fetching?” Dembe chuckled. It seemed to Red as though his companion could practically read his thoughts at times.

“Oh, shut up.”

Back in her room Liz tried on a second dress. This one was a royal blue with one shoulder strap and a short train. The cut showed off her toned arms Liz looked herself over in the mirror before stepping out again, feeling prettier than she had in a long time.

“This might be the one,” she said, opening the door to the living room.

“I prefer this one,” Dembe said.

“Stunning, again,” Red admired. “Will the train make it difficult to dance?”

“You really think Ressler’s going to want to dance?” Liz laughed. “I think I’ll be safe.”

“It doesn’t have to be all work and no play,” Red remarked. “I agree that Donald is unlikely to partake in any of the festivities, but what do you say about saving a dance for me?”

“I’m not quite the dancing type, Red. But I can try on the third one just to be safe. After all, you’ll be busy with Eileena I’m sure.” Liz was unable to keep the last comment to herself.

Red smiled inwardly at what seemed to be a small show of jealousy on Liz’ part.

As she undressed again Liz thought of Red’s proposal. She imagined being held in his strong arms, his large hand anchored at the small of her back. She was helplessly uncoordinated when it came to dancing, and she would normally shy away from a situation like that. But with Red it was different. She knew he wouldn’t poke fun at her but she imagined him instead taking control and guiding her effortlessly along to the music. She became resentful again that Ressler would be tagging along on Saturday night. _And don’t forget about Eileena_ , she reminded herself bitterly.

She tried to clear her mind again and stepped into the third dress. This one was a striking red colour, with a high neckline that tapered into a halter style around her neck. She stepped out of her room again, seeking feedback.

“Wow.” Red voiced his appreciation. He was left speechless for a moment. “You look absolutely marvelous, sweetheart.”

Liz blushed at both the compliment and the endearment. His words eased her feelings of vulnerability while under his scrutinizing gaze. His sincerity made her previous thoughts of Ressler and Eileena begin to fade away.

“I think _this_ is the one, Elizabeth,” Dembe said.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Liz questioned. “I’m trying to blend in after all.”

“You’d stand out regardless of what you were wearing.” Red said. Liz smiled and blushed again.

“Okay, this one it is then,” she decided. I’ll go get dressed for dinner. I can pick out shoes and jewelry before we go tomorrow.” Liz said and turned to walk back into her bedroom.

As Liz turned away Red was treated to a sensuous view of her back, exposed by the low cut of the dress. It left little the imagination. Red could hardly take his eyes away until Liz closed her door again. He exhaled softly, unaware that he had even been holding in a breath. He felt a slight stirring in his trousers.

_Shit._

Clearing his throat, he quickly picked up a newspaper from a nearby end table and began to flip through it absentmindedly. Dembe let out a knowing chuckle as he stood and walked into his room to find his book.

“Shut up.” Red said, not looking up from his paper.

_What will this woman do to me?_

He was starting to regret that it would be Eileena on his arm that Saturday, and not a certain someone else.


	5. Dinner Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little progress on that slow burn ;) As always, I love to read your comments!

Liz surveyed herself in the mirror once she was alone in her room again. She felt pretty in the red dress – sexy, even. It had been a long time since she had felt that way about herself. She was flattered by Red’s response to the outfits, too. He was always very complimentary of her, so much so that she often disregarded the praise that came from him, but she believed his admiration that evening. There was something in his expression that made her believe that he truly did find her beautiful – and that thought enticed her.

What would it be like to be the woman on Red’s arm? She’d briefly played that role on undercover missions before, but it was all pretend. She was sure he’d be charming and gentlemanly as always. And equally passionate, attentive, and protective. She knew she loved being the centre of his attention, but she had never paid much mind to any romantic aspect of their relationship before. _Because there isn’t a romantic aspect to your relationship,_ she thought to herself. _But could there be?_

Those thoughts, too, were enticing. Now that she was single, she was free to consider other possibilities for relationships. But Red was complicated. They worked together, he had unknown connections to her past, and he was a criminal. Not to mention he was quite a bit older than her, but at this point in time she almost found that part of him alluring. She didn’t think she was the kind of woman to fall for an older man, but now she was beginning to see the appeal.

_Who said anything about falling for him? You don’t even know how he feels about you yet._

After all, being affectionate and flirty was not uncommon for Red. She had seen it dozens of times with his contacts out in the field. He was no stranger to euphemisms and suggestive comments.

She tried to put those warring thoughts aside as she got ready for dinner. But if she were to be honest with herself, she was definitely dressing to impress a certain someone.

* * *

Red had gotten dressed up for dinner himself, having donned a more formal three-piece suit in substitution of his linen number from earlier that day. He sat again in the living room, playing a solo game of chess and waiting for Elizabeth to emerge from her bedroom once she was ready.

Liz found herself getting slightly nervous as she applied the last touches of her makeup. She had swept up her hair in a loose yet elegant twist with a few stray locks framing her face. She wore more makeup than usual, but the look remained neutral. She had brought her most expensive dress from home, knowing that Red would be sure to take her to a formal restaurant at least once while they were away. She remembered buying the dress months earlier in an attempt to cheer herself up. She had been seeking those feelings of beauty and confidence that had escaped her for so long. Those feelings that Red had been able to reinstate in a single look.

She donned a pair of heels, grabbed a small clutch, and made her way back out to the living room.

Hearing her door opened Red looked up at Liz, and he was once again taken aback by her beauty. She was wearing a navy blue dress that hit just below the knee. The two thin straps that held the dress up on her shoulders led down to a cowl neckline that showed off a tasteful hint of cleavage. She stood in the doorway, nervously looking for his approval.

Realizing suddenly that he had been staring for too long, he quickly stood up from his seat and walked over to Elizabeth, arms outstretched.

“Lizzy, you look absolutely wonderful, truly,” Red tried to cover his faux pas. “Shall we go to dinner?”

“That sounds great,” Liz said.

“Let me just grab my hat.” Red smiled at Liz and went to retrieve his classic accessory from his room.

“Is Dembe coming with us?” Liz asked as the two walked out the door towards the elevator.

“I’ve given him a well-deserved night off. I’ve arranged for a driver and ample security though, so there’s no need to worry.” As always, Red had all the bases covered.

The restaurant was only a short drive away, and the two sat in relative silence in the back of the car. Liz fidgeted with her clutch. It had been a long time since she had gone to a restaurant with anyone other than her coworkers, or to pick up take-out for a night home alone. Aram had been kind enough to set her up on one date, but the evening had been entirely unsuccessful, and she hadn’t tried to get back in the game again.

Red helped her out of the car as they arrived at the restaurant, sneaking a small peek at her cleavage as he stood above her.

 _Restrain yourself_ , he admonished inwardly.

Restaurant staff were quick to take Red’s coat and hat and in a matter of moments the two were sat in a secluded table.

“Forgive me, Lizzy, but if you could just excuse me for a moment – the owner, Annie, is a long-time friend, and I really do owe her a visit. You’re welcome to join me, if you’d like, or I’ll only be gone a moment.”

“Oh, you go,” Liz responded, thankful for a moment alone to collect herself, “I’ll be fine.”

As Red walked off Liz assessed her situation. She had to make a decision of how she wanted tonight to go. Did she want to continue the platonic front she had towards Red, or would she test the waters of something different? She didn’t want to risk anything about their current relationship, but the day had reminded her that there was something special between the two of them. And maybe Red was right, that this could be a turning point in her life, and in more ways than one. She was done pushing him away and she could tell he was more than ready to become a more solid fixture in her life again, now that the dust had settled on her divorce. Besides, she figured that considering Red’s often forward behaviour, she could probably get away with a little forwardness of her own.

_Am I really going to go for it?_

* * *

Red watched Liz sitting alone as he walked back to their table. She was so beautiful sitting there, and he felt a small pang in his heart. His Lizzy, waiting for an evening alone with him. He wanted to make this night count, as he didn’t know when he’d get this chance again.

He brushed his fingers lightly across her bare back as he walked up to the table and sat down again.

“Did you get a chance to look at the menu?” Red asked.

“I didn’t even open it to be honest,” Liz said, ‘I’m sure you have better taste than me anyways. I’ll let you order for both of us.”

“I promise not to disappoint.”

Red waved over a waiter and Liz admired Red as he ordered several dishes and drinks that she couldn’t recognize. In a matter of moments, a bottle of wine was brought to their table.

They spent over two hours in easy dialogue, drinking wine and eating exquisite food. Liz had been able to regain her poise and was allowing herself to be fully present in their conversation, aided in part by the flowing alcohol. Soon, their last dishes were whisked away and the two were left in their dimly lit alcove, finishing the last of their drinks.

After a moment of silence, Liz let out a soft chuckle.

“What’s on your mind?” Red asked.

“I was just thinking about the last time I went out on a date. Aram set me up with an old friend of his from college, and, well, let’s just say it didn’t work out too well. I’m just glad to have this night to replace that memory, is all.”

Red hesitated. “Is this a date?” He questioned softly.

Liz had hoped he would take the bait. “Isn’t it?” She questioned back.

“It can be whatever you want it to be.” Red replied. He kept his eyes on her, even as she looked down at her empty wine glass, fiddling with the glass stem. Finally, she looked back up and met his gaze.

“I think I’d like it to be a date.”

Red gave her a small smile, more than pleased with her response. "It's a date, then."

Liz bit her lip nervously and tried to smile back. Her confidence was spent, and she was unsure of how to proceed.

“Shall we call it a night?” Red asked.

“Sure.” Liz nodded.

Red ushered her to the exit, placing his hand gently on the small of her back. As they reached the coat check at the door he saw Liz give a small shiver in the cold night air. Placing his hat on his head he draped his own jacket across her shoulders.

“Thanks. I guess I should have brought a coat.”

“Not to worry. Let’s get you into the car.”

Red helped her into her seat and closed her door. He made his way around to the other side of the vehicle, and she saw him duck his head into the front window to say something to the driver, but she couldn’t hear what. As Red made his way to sit in the back seat beside Liz, the partition was lifted by the driver, creating a modicum of privacy. She appreciated Red’s thoughtfulness.

“Thanks so much for dinner. I think that was the best meal I’ve ever had.”

“Thank you for your company, sweetheart.”

There was that endearment that she loved so much. She wondered if he knew how that word made her heart flutter.

Red crossed his legs and lifted his arm around the back of the seat, placing his hand on Liz’ shoulder. She took the invitation to rest against the crook of his arm.

“Tell me a story,” Liz said.

For the rest of the drive Red expounded on his last visit in Florence as Liz relaxed into his body, content to savour the moment and listen to the deep timbre of his voice. She sank deeper against this broad chest.

“Home sweet home,” Red whispered into her ear as they pulled up to the hotel. He gave her hair a brief kiss before extracting himself from their position. Her hair smelled like sweet vanilla.

They made their way back up to the suite and Liz stood in the middle of the living room and watched as Red locked the door and placed his hat on a nearby chair. He turned back with a warm smile and walked over to her.

“I had a lovely evening,” he spoke softly, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Me too.”

He left his hand settled on her cheek, his face drawing close to hers as if he was going to kiss her.

“May I?” He whispered as their eyes locked.

Liz gave a small nod, her throat too dry to speak.

She closed her eyes as she felt his soft lips against hers. He deepened the kiss gently as he pushed his fingers into the hair at the back of her neck. His other hand was settled on her waist, lightly drawing her body flush with his.

After a moment he broke their lips apart and took a small step back. He gently lifted his coat off of her shoulders.

“Goodnight, Red,” she finally found her voice.

“Sleep well.” He bid her goodnight and watched as she walked back into her bedroom, giving him a soft smile over her shoulder before closing the door.

Liz fell back against her bed, unable to stop herself from smiling broadly. She felt warm, and giddy, and satisfied, and a hundred other feelings. She hadn’t realized how long she had been waiting for that moment.

Red too made his way into his bedroom and sat down on his bed. He could hardly believe what had just happened. He had kissed Lizzy. He and Lizzy had kissed. He had asked Lizzy if he could kiss her, and she had let him. He replayed the fleeting moment over and over in his head.

This would change things. He _hoped_ it would change things. He knew a romantic relationship between the two of them would bring along a host of obstacles, but he tried not to get ahead of himself. He just wanted to focus on tonight.


	6. Into the Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating! I've been having a lot of migraines recently :( A big huge thank you to my fiancé for typing this up while I dictated to avoid looking at a computer screen.

_Liz was standing in her living room, watching Tom pace angrily back and forth on the other side of the room._

_“You’re cheating on me, right? That’s really why you’re never home.” Tom’s voice was raised, and she was sure the neighbours would be able to hear this time._

_“No, I told you already, it’s just my job.” Liz tried to convince him of her situation, as she had done so many times before._

_“Then why are you so secretive, if you have nothing to hide?”_

_“Tom, you know I can’t tell you everything about my job.”_

_“Oh, so you don’t trust me?” Tom sneered._

_“You know that’s not it, Tom. You knew when I took the job that I would have to keep some things from you. That’s just how it is – it has nothing to do with you.” Again, Liz tried to get him to see reason._

_“But it’s me, Liz. I’m your husband. Wives are supposed to share things with their husbands. Wives who love their husbands aren’t supposed to keep secrets. Who am I going to tell, anyway?”_

_“It isn’t about who you would tell. It’s to keep you safe.” Liz retorted, exasperated._

_“You think people are going to interrogate the spouse of a profiler? You’re a rookie. Can’t you just give me some idea why it is you have to work 24/7? Because right now I’m not believing much of anything that you tell me – you don’t tell me anything, I’ve never even met anyone you work with, and it feels like you’re out of the house more nights than you’re at home. What am I supposed to think? Just give me something, babe.”_

_She hated when he did that – when he tried to soften his insulting questioning with endearments._

_“I really can’t tell you. And yes, you could be in real danger if you knew things about my job. And it’s just protocol.”_

_“Right, national security and all that,” Tom replied sarcastically._

_Liz closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath, trying to regain some patience._

_“I’ve seen you with him, you know.” Tom broke the momentary silence._

_“What? Who are you talking about?”_

_“You know who I’m talking about Liz. That guy – I know there’s another guy.”_

_“You can’t know that I’m seeing someone else because I’m **not** seeing anyone.”_

_“Then who’s that guy that picks you up all the time whenever you have to go to ‘work’ in the middle of the night.” He gestured with air quotes – he could be so frustratingly childish at times._

_Liz knew he was talking about Dembe, who would pick her up when she would be called to one of Red’s safe houses at some ungodly hour whenever Red had the whim to discuss a case or give her intel._

Of course he watches out the window _, Liz thought._

_“He’s a…co-worker. He’s taking me to go to work.” Even though it was technically the truth, even to Liz that one sounded like a lie._

_“That’s no government car,” Tom replied._

_“My work is not just inside an office building, Tom. It’s complicated. Can we please just drop this? It’s getting late, and I can’t keep doing this with you anymore.”_

_“Drop it? Liz, I’m not just going to drop it until you give me something to work with here. Do you seriously expect me to just trust you?”_

Yes _, Liz thought._ Why can’t you just trust me?

_Liz could see Tom was getting angrier. His movements were starting to become more erratic, and he had quickly closed the distance between them. She could have reached out and touched him now. And she was scared that was what he was going to do._

_She hated that she got scared of Tom. She was a trained FBI agent. She had demonstrated her bravery countless times in the field and was always able to stand her ground – except when it came to Tom. He had this hold over her because he still had a bright side – he would surprise her with a home-cooked meal, he would massage her feet when she was tired, he had an easy laugh and a contagious smile…and he loved her. Didn’t he love her?_

_He had demonstrated how he loved her when he wrote such beautiful wedding vows. He used to show he loved her by celebrating her achievements and taking her out to dinner when she had gotten her new job._

_He would always say ‘you know I love you, right?’ when he was apologizing, over and over again until she would tell him she knew. But did she know?_

_Can you be so cruel to someone you love?_

* * *

Liz was fast asleep when Red burst through the bedroom door.

“Lizzy, you need to get up, now.” The sudden sound of the door and Red’s forceful voice woke her instantly from her deep sleep.

“Red? What’s going on?” Liz asked sleepily.

Red pulled her suitcase out from the closet and tossed it on the bed next to where Lizzy was sat up, still rubbing sleep from her eyes. Red himself was still in a white t-shirt and sleep pants.

“We have to get out of here. I promise I’ll explain everything as soon as we leave, but just get dressed and pack up as much as you can. Whatever you can’t grab in ten minutes we leave behind.”

“Red!” Liz called after him as he made his way back out the door. “What’s going on?”

“We don’t have time to explain it all now. Just trust me. Please.” She did trust him – and the seriousness of his tone would have convinced anyone. She knew better than to hold him up any longer.

Still a little hazy, Liz did her best to throw what she could into her suitcase, throwing on a pair of shorts and shirt as she went.

Ten minutes passed and she hurried to meet Dembe and Red in the living room. Without saying a word the three made their way outside the suite and into the elevator.

“What’s going on?” Liz tried again to gain an understanding of the situation.

“I’ll explain everything once we’re in the car,” Red replied. “Dembe, is the car ready?”

“Yes, Raymond. One block down.” Dembe replied as the doors of the elevator opened again. The three of them made their way outside the hotel and down the street. Dembe led the way until they came upon a small black car, into which they quickly loaded the luggage and then themselves. As usual, Dembe sat behind the wheel, while Liz and Red were together in the backseat.

“Now can you tell me what’s going on?” Liz questioned again as Dembe skillfully maneuvered the car through the dark city streets. Fortunately, there was very little traffic on the road, as it was still in the early hours of the morning.

“I’m sorry for the rude awakening.” Red turned to look at Lizzy. She saw sincerity in his eyes, but also worry – something she wasn’t very used to with him.

“There’s been a situation back in D.C.” Red explained. “The last safe house I was staying at there was broken into a few hours ago.”

“Do you know who it was?” Liz asked.

“I have reason to believe it has something to do with our plans here. To my knowledge, Maurizio and Eileena should be the only ones who knew I was to attend Maurizio’s party tomorrow evening, so my best guess right now is that it has something to do with one of them – or both.”

“What makes you think it was about our mission? Do you think they know about the task force?” Liz was brimming with questions.

“There was a letter left behind discussing threats if I were to do anything to compromise Maurizio’s business. I don’t know yet whether it’s authentic and from Maurizio himself, but I could never trust Eileena not to be the culprit, just trying to turn suspicion away from herself by framing Maurizio. And a letter left behind is much more her style.”

“Why did they break into your house, whoever it was?”

“I suspect for a variety of reasons. First, obviously, to pass on the message that any intrusion into Maurizio’s scheme is unwelcome. Second, to demonstrate that I am indeed never truly safe, and never truly hidden. I was meant to know whoever it was was aware of where I was staying. And some say you can always tell something about a man from his home, no matter how much he tries to hide. I suppose I’ve become somewhat complacent in sticking so close to home.”

_Home. Since when do you call anywhere home? Or is home just wherever she is…_

“So do they know now that you’re working with the FBI? Do you think the task force is in danger?” Liz wanted to try and cover all her bases.

“It’s not impossible. My people will contact Harold, of course, and I’ll keep him as apprised as I am able. I’ve asked him not to contact you – I think it’s best I control the flow of information at this point. From the break-in alone I’m unable to tell exactly what they’ve been able to glean about me, but who knows what else they’ve uncovered considering they were able to track me there. Also –” Red hesitated.

“What is it?”

“Lizzy, I’m sorry. There was a photo of you in the house. I regret being so idiotic as to keep anything personal there, especially once I left, but I can’t change it now. There is a possibility that whomever it was that broke in saw the photograph, and therefore would know I have a connection to you. Once they identify you, you will obviously be in much greater danger. And by connection so too would the task force be at additional risk.”

There was so much information for Liz to process in such a short amount of time.

“From what Kate said, the house looked fairly disturbed. The picture wasn’t out in the open, if that’s any consolation, but it would be unwise to assume it wasn’t found. It wasn’t hidden – it just wasn’t on display, it was just –” _Stop rambling, you idiot._

“You had a photograph of me in your house?” Liz was confused. “I’m just don’t get why—"

“I apologize Lizzy. I didn’t think.”

“What picture?” Liz asked.

Red was taken aback by her question. “Uh, it was… it was a photo that Aram had taken…”

“Aram?”

Red felt an unfamiliar feeling of embarrassment growing within him. How could he have been so careless? Not only to leave the photo behind, but to have had it in the first place.

“I don’t know if you remember, but shortly after your divorce you and Aram took a day off together. I had asked him to take you out for the day – I was worried about you, but you were pulling away from me, so I figured it would be easier to get you to take a day off if Aram asked you. Later I asked him how it went, and how you were doing, and he showed me this beautiful photo he had taken of you when you two had taken a walk in the park. It was sunny, and you were smiling, and I was just so glad to see that you finally looked happy…so I asked Aram for a copy of the photo…” Red trailed off awkwardly.

“I remember that day.” Liz didn’t know what to think. “You asked Aram to take me out?”

_Should I be touched by his thoughtfulness or annoyed that he meddled behind my back?_

“Yes – I’m sorry – I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,” he continued to stumble over his words. “I’m sorry, Lizzy. I don’t mean to invade your privacy, truly, I was only worried for your wellbeing.”

Liz nodded, not looking Red in the eye. This additional onslaught of information was similarly overwhelming, and she was a mix of thoughts and emotions.

The sound of Red’s cellphone ringing broke the silence. He looked apologetically at Liz – she still didn’t meet his eyes – and then answered the phone. She watched him as he listened to whomever was on the other end, no doubt updating him on any new information.

“Dembe, by all knowledge the cabin in secure, so we’ll stick to the same plan.” Red called to Dembe, putting the phone back in his pocket.

“Where are we going?” Liz asked.

“I have a place a few hours away that’s in the hills and off the grid. We’ll have to hike in. It’s not too far, but we’ll have to camp overnight.”

“Okay,” Liz said, still unsure of the whole situation. Everything was getting more stressful by the minute, and she was painfully aware that less than an hour ago she had been fast asleep in bed. “So what’s going to happen now. I mean are we, like on the run, or –”

“I don’t know the future, Lizzy. What I need to do now is get more information, but I need to get us out of immediate danger first. I understand your trust in me is probably wearing thin at the moment, but I sincerely believe we’ll be as safe as we can be where we’re going. I need to do my best to figure out who is after me, and exactly why – and how much they know about you. And I don’t want to have us looking over our shoulder every five minutes while we do it.”

“How are you going to get more information when we’ll be sitting ducks in the middle of nowhere?” Liz’ increasing worry, lack of sleep, and frayed emotions were getting to her.

“Have you met me?” Red tried a quip to lighten her mood.

To her own surprise, she cracked a slight smile.

* * *

During the drive, Red fielded phone calls and Liz attempted to make as much sense of the situation as she could. Her head was still miles away, thinking of how this was supposed to be another day in Florence and how they would miss apprehending another Blacklister.

How could it have only been a few hours ago that Red had kissed her after dinner? Everything had seemed so perfect, but in a matter of hours it was all upside down.

_You’re really thinking about a kiss at a time like this?_

After three hours of driving they pulled up to a truck on a stretch of unpaved road. They were deep in the wooded hills and to Liz it felt very ‘off the grid.’ The sun was just coming up, so the last hour of the drive had been fairly scenic, but Liz had been too stressed to enjoy the view.

A man and a woman stepped out of the car, neither of whom Liz recognized. Dembe parked the car, and Red waved his two associates over. They brought with them three half-empty backpacks. Liz took one and saw an assortment of what looked like camping supplies inside.

“Pack whatever else you think you’ll want,” Red told her, opening the trunk of the car. The three of them filled their backpacks with what they could carry, and she watched as Red and Dembe added additional supplies from the other truck. The two men bid the man and woman goodbye before they drove both vehicles away.

“Into the woods we go,” Red said, walking back to Liz. “How are you feeling?”

“Overwhelmed,” she said honestly. “We’re literally hiking to a cabin in the woods. This is crazy, Red. I feel like a fugitive.”

He took her hand in his own and gave it a comforting squeeze, then motioned that she follow Dembe, who had started to hike.

"Welcome to the club.”


	7. Bittersweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do appreciate all of your comments and kudos -- thanks so much! I love hearing from you all!
> 
> I was also wondering, do people like the length of these chapters so far? Or would you prefer longer chapters (but that are updated less frequently)? If you have a preference, please let me know! :)

“Shall we stop for breakfast?” Red asked to their small group.

They had only been hiking for just shy of an hour, but they hadn’t yet had a chance to eat that day. They found a small clearing between trees. Dembe took a seat on a stump and Liz and Red sat next to each other on a fallen tree.

“What food do we have?” Liz asked.

“Nothing too gourmet, I’m afraid,” Red responded. He pulled out three energy bars from his backpack. “We’ll be eating rustically for the next while. I always ensure the cabin is well-stocked, but in order to keep it that way we only have our choice of food that has been canned, pickled, or dried.”

“Mmm – sounds very luxurious,” Liz joked and started to eat her snack. “How much longer will we be hiking today?”

“It depends on how you feel, but I hope we can set up a camp by early evening. I’d like you to be able to get some sleep tonight. Then we should be able to make it to the cabin around noon tomorrow, and I’ll do my best to whip up a lovely lunch for us all.”

“I look forward to it,” Liz said.

“I wouldn’t,” Dembe spoke up.

“Don’t listen to him, Lizzy. I’m a fabulous cook.” Red said.

“I don’t think I’m in any place to criticize someone else’s cooking. Anyone who can make more than a sandwich is much more a chef than I could ever hope to be,” Liz said.

“I’m sure there’s hope. How about I try to teach you how to make something? I promise I’ll keep it easy.”

“We’ll see,” Liz said. “Although I guess we’ll have some time to kill. How long will we be staying up here?”

“It depends. I’m having some people track down an associate of mine. Once I get news that she’s been located, we’ll figure out next steps. Dembe will likely leave first and make contact, and then you and I will follow. Ideally we would know who’s behind this before you and I leave.”

_She?_

“Who’s your associate?” Liz asked.

“Her name is Abby Watt. She really is a jack of all trades…master of all too though, somehow.”

“How do you think she can help us?” Liz asked, attempting to tamp down her jealousy.

“She tends to keep an ear to the ground, and she’s developed a fairly reliable business of keeping tabs on people. Plus, she’s worked with both Maurizio and Eileena on multiple occasions, so either way I think she could be an asset. I’ve been wrong before, but I think she’ll be much more open to helping me than either of them. We have somewhat of a past, after all,” Red said with a smirk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please don’t encourage him, Elizabeth,” Dembe chimed in.

Red let out a laugh. “All in good time, Lizzy. How are we all feeling? Shall we journey on?”

* * *

As predicted, they had made it far enough to set up camp just before 5 o’clock, stopping for breaks along the way. They had even made it further than Red had first thought they would, but by that time they were starting to feel the effects that little sleep was having on them, and decided to call it a day.

Despite Red’s attempt to keep the group in a genial mood, some of Liz’s pre-vacation irritability had started to return. Part of him wanted to attribute it to jealousy at the mention of his associate, but he also knew better than to get his hopes up. Considering the reason for their hike (and their depressing lack of food variety), he wouldn’t have expected her to stay upbeat. However, he was hoping that the down time at the cabin – although likely somewhat tense given their situation – would bring an opportunity to at least have a discussion about their potentially changing relationship.

 _Or maybe more_ , he thought roguishly. _But I’d better take it slow for now._

After all, he might still be in some hot water regarding that photograph…

Liz also had her mind on thoughts of her and Red. There hadn’t been a moment for them to discuss the events of the previous night, especially considering Dembe’s constant presence, but she too hoped that the two might have a chance to talk.

It was true that the mention of Red’s associate – and his insinuation of what his past relationship with said associate might have entailed – had stirred up a feeling of jealousy inside of her. She was well-aware of the fact that she and Red would be in close quarters for at least a number of days before there was even a chance of contacting this Abby Watt in any way. And there was a possibility that some of those days would even be Dembe-free.

She still wanted to address their kiss from earlier. Add that to Red’s unexpected admission of the photograph, and there was definitely a lot to get the two of them talking.

* * *

After a somewhat sad dinner of more energy bars and some nuts (all three of them couldn’t wait to get some real food once they reached their destination), Liz watched as both Red and Dembe pulled small tents out of their backpacks and began to set them up. She rummaged around in her own backpack, but came up empty.

“Um, I don’t have a tent,” Liz voiced her concern.

“Dembe and I can share. Here, you can take mine.” He motioned to the tent he had already managed to erect in a matter of moments.

“Thanks,” Liz said, returning a friendly smile.

“There should still be a sleeping bag in your backpack.” Red told her. Liz nodded her response.

In spite of herself, she wished for a brief moment that he had invited her to share his tent.

 _Of course he’d share with Dembe_ , she chastised herself. _What are you even thinking?_

Feeling her exhaustion from the day set in, she bid the two goodnight and headed into the tent to get ready for bed. She emptied her backpack completely for the first time, curious to see all of the extra supplies Red’s associates had provided.

She had brought her toiletry bag and had been able to pack some of her own clothes, but of course she had left the majority of them behind. She was sure she wouldn’t be needing any dresses or heels up in the woods, and she was not interested in hauling them around. Along with her own clothes, she found a rain jacket and some hiking pants that, although not hers, were exactly her size. _Because of course they are_ , she thought to herself.

There was some other camping gear like a water pouch, swiss army knife, flashlight, and more. _He really is always Mr. Prepared_.

To her chagrin, there were no pajamas for her to change into. She had only brought a nightgown along on her trip, and although she had packed it into the backpack in haste, she knew it would be far to cold to sleep in that alone. Instead she quickly stepped out of the tent to brush her teeth, and then settled into bed wearing the same clothes she’d hiked in and tried her best to fall asleep.

* * *

_Liz was sitting on her couch at home. Red was sat beside her on the couch, smiling gently at her and tilting his head inquisitively._

_“Did you hear what I said, Lizzy?” He asked her._

_“Sorry, no, I must have zoned out. What were you saying?”_

_“I was just saying how nice it is that we can finally have a moment alone together. I’ve missed you.”_

_He placed his arm around the back of the couch and ran his fingers through her hair. His touch was so gentle, and Liz felt extremely at ease._

_“Let me show you how much I’ve missed you.”_

_Red moved closer and took her face in both of his hands, drawing her close to him. She could feel his warm breath as he slowly kissed his way up her neck before settling his lips on hers._

_His touch was light at first, and she let him take his time. Then she felt his tongue pressing gently on her lips as he deepened the kiss._

_She parted her lips slightly to let him in, barely noticing the quiet, sensual sounds she was making in response._

_S_ _he felt one of his hands travel down to grasp her at her waist, pulling her firmly against him. She covered his hand with her own and brought it up to caress her breast._

_Mmm, Lizzy,” he broke their kiss for a moment, letting his eyes sweep up her form and then back to meet her gaze._

_"_ _You are so beautiful,” he breathed, capturing her lips again._

_Then he leaned her back against the couch. She brought her hands around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and brought him into another passionate kiss._

_He continued to move his hands up and down her torso, gently learning the curves of her lithe body. With one hand he travelled under her shirt and made his way again to her breast, this time covered only with a thin, lace bralette. She let out a soft moan and closed her eyes as he continued his ministrations._

_"_ _Oh, Red, that feels so good.”_

_Suddenly, all of his movements stopped._

_“Who the fuck is Red?”_

_Startled at the harsh voice she opened her eyes and saw Tom looming over her, trapping her underneath him with his large frame._

_“Answer me, Liz! Who the fuck is Red?”_

_Liz didn’t understand – he had been right there…_

_Before she knew what was happening she felt Tom’s hands close around her throat. She tried in vain to free herself, kicking and pushing from underneath him. She could still hear Tom yelling at her, but with her increasing fear and panic she couldn’t even tell what he was saying anymore. She was confused and terrified, and his eyes continued to bore into hers as he tightened his grip on her throat. She couldn’t breathe…she couldn’t fight back._

“Lizzie! Wake up, Lizzie!” Red shook Liz’ shoulder firmly.

Liz awoke with a start, pushing Red away blindly and letting out a strangled shout.

Red fell back away from her, taken by surprise at her force. Liz scrambled back away from him, her eyes wide and full of terror.

“It’s okay, sweetheart – it’s just me.” Red tried to ground her in reality. “Are you okay?”

Liz was able to slow her breathing, now realizing fully that she had only been dreaming moments before.

“I, uh – I had a nightmare, I think,” Liz replied.

“I know, I know. You’re okay now, sweetheart, I promise,” he said, his face still etched with concern. “How do you feel?”

He could see that she was still trembling, so he held out his hand to hers and touched her gently. She welcomed the gesture and took hold of his outstretched hand, squeezing it tight. His touch anchored her, as it often did.

“I’m okay, I think. It was just – I couldn’t breathe – he was…” she trailed off, not wanting to relive the scene.

“Who was what, sweetheart?”

“No one – It’s nothing,” she responded quickly. She already felt too vulnerable and her head was swimming with so many conflicting emotions – she wasn’t ready to get into everything, at least not right now.

“I’m sorry I woke you up, just for a nightmare,” Liz said.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Lizzy.”

“It’s just embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Red inched his way closer to her and began to rub her back soothingly.

“I get them too, you know,” he said.

“Hmm?”

“I get nightmares too. I know how real they can feel.”

Liz looked up to meet his eyes. She felt so small, the remnants of her fear still fading away and sitting dwarfed in his embrace. But she felt safe.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“Anytime,” he responded. “Why don’t you try and lay back down.”

She followed his direction, snuggling back down inside her sleeping bag. He continued to rub her back in slow circles.

“Try to fall asleep,” he told her, “I’ll be right here.”

A few minutes later he heard her breathing begin to slow, and he could tell she was asleep again.

“I’ll always be right here,” he whispered.

He waited a few more minutes, gave her a soft kiss on her temple, and then made his way out of the tent as quietly as he could.

* * *

Liz awoke to the quiet sounds of Dembe and Red milling about outside her tent. She could tell the sun was shining bright, and she was feeling oddly well-rested, everything considered.

She stay laying in her sleeping bag, letting her thoughts drift to what had happened during the night.

She’d always struggled with nightmares, on and off since she was a little girl, but they’d gotten worse again after she had left Tom. No matter what she did, it felt like he would be a constant torment in her life – even if she had been able to get away from him, she couldn’t get him out of her subconscious.

But it wasn’t just the nightmare. She wracked her brain, trying to recall how the dream had started.

 _Red was there_.

In all the fear and confusion, she’d almost forgotten that. Not only was he there, but they were…

 _Well that’s new_ , she thought to herself. Although, if she was honest, that part of the dream was not all that unwelcome.

But she was still left feeling thoroughly conflicted. It was true that over the past couple of days she had been awakened to the possibility of new feelings regarding her relationship with Red. And, bearing in mind his initiation of their kiss, and his acceptance of her characterizing their dinner out as a date, she was willing to believe that he was having some of the same considerations. But, if this dream was any evidence, she knew there was more that she had to deal with before she got ahead of herself.

Not only was she going to have to find a way to put her previous marriage behind her, but she was going to have to revisit her past with Reddington. He had appeared pleased that she had seemingly put that line of questioning behind them, but if her experiences with Tom had taught her anything, the past could always come back to haunt you.


	8. The Truth Will Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait time...again. Everything has been so overwhelming that it hasn't felt like the right time to write in a while. But please leave any feedback, and thanks so much for reading!!
> 
> Like I said at the beginning, this is definitely an AU, so please don't get too hung up on making this align well with the show. I'm really not caught up and have forgotten a lot from the first few seasons, so I'm borrowing a lot but also making up my own stuff.

The group reached the cabin near early afternoon. The cabin was larger than Liz expected, but it was still a modest size. There were two bedrooms, a small kitchen, a living room and a bathroom. Overall, the place was quite cozy, especially considering its role as an escape in the middle of a dense forest.

“Why don’t you put your things in your room, and I’ll prepare some lunch for us all,” Red suggested to Liz. Dembe was outside chopping some wood for the fireplace.

“Oh, sure. What room should I stay in?”

“You can take your pick. Dembe will take the couch out here, and I don’t have a preference.”

“I can sleep out here. Dembe shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch.”

“You know he won’t let you do that, Lizzy. Go, choose whatever room you’d like.”

Liz picked up her bag and went to check out the rooms. From the kitchen she went down a short hallway, with the bathroom located at the end. Turning just before the bathroom, the hallway continued to her right and she saw two closed doors on her left.

The first room was fairly small, and had a twin bed pushed up against the corner. Over the head of the bed was a small window looking out of the back of the cabin. Apart from an armchair at the foot of the bed, the room was devoid of any other furniture or décor. The second room was a little bigger, and had a larger bed and two windows.

Liz never felt on equal footing with Red and Dembe. They were ready to provide anything she needed at a moment’s notice and as often as Red irritated her with his protectiveness and proclivity for checking up on her, she knew he was always providing for her – these were some of the many things that sometimes led her to feel insecure and somewhat useless in their presence.

So, not wanting to let that feeling grow any more that it already had, she went back and brought her bag to the smaller room. If she couldn’t give up her room for Dembe, the least she could do was to give Red some more space.

Liz changed out of her dirty clothes She made her way back to the kitchen and watched Red discretely from the hallway as he cooked.

He looked so domestic. She rarely ever got to see him this way, but she liked how it humanized him.

“Looking for something?” Red asked, not yet looking up from his pot on the stove.

Liz walked into the kitchen, trying hard not to blush. He’d caught her watching him.

“Keep an eye on this, will you?” Red asked, gesturing to his soup on the stove. “I’m going to get changed.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Liz agreed hesitantly.

He smiled reassuringly at her. “Don’t worry – I’ll only be a minute.”

Liz walked over to the stove and began stirring the soup mindlessly. She was no cook, that was for sure, but she was hoping that she could at least keep anything from going horrendously wrong in the few minutes Red would be away.

As she stirred, she examined the kitchen and connected living room around her. It was definitely a cozy little hideaway. If it weren’t for the circumstances, she’d be happy to spend time here.

Especially some more time with Red.

But everything was so upside down now. They had gone into hiding and had no idea how their next step would unfold. And now she was grappling with new feelings for Red. If she was completely honest with herself, they weren’t totally new feelings. She’d ignored or suppressed little thoughts here and there before, but now she finally felt in a position that she could explore them. And it seemed like Red was interested too.

But was now the time? She knew that if she were to take that leap then she would have to bring up questions of her family again. She had only been able to halt her questioning while she was pushing Red away and when her energy had been focused on Tom.

With all the uncertainty, and likely forthcoming danger, it hardly seemed timely to reconsider their platonic relationship.

_Or maybe it’s the perfect time…_

After all, there was something to be said about living in the moment now that she was a part of Red’s world. There would always be danger right around the corner – why not face it hand in hand?

Red’s footsteps coming down the hall broke her from her reverie, and she looked up as he entered back into the room.

He had changed out of his dirty hiking clothes, and while he had forgone his usual suit for practicality’s sake, he still maintained his commanding presence… and his good looks.

He was now wearing a pair of dark jeans ( _have I ever seen him in jeans before?_ ) and a black, long-sleeved shirt.

Red wanted to think that Liz was taking a moment to check him out, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. If he knew what Liz was thinking in that moment, however, he would know that it was not.

“All still well with the soup?” Red asked playfully.

“Let’s hope so,” she responded, ‘I’m starving.”

“We’ll let it simmer for a few more minutes.” Red turned down the heat on the stove and walked over towards a couch in the living room. “Come sit with me, Lizzy.”

She took a seat on the other end of the couch, leaving a spot in between them.

“How are you doing?” Red’s tone was serious, but still gentle.

“I’m fine.” Her response was automatic.

“Sweetheart, please be honest. I’m really asking.”

Liz sighed. “Well obviously I’m a little overwhelmed. But it’s nice here.” She paused. “I feel safe.” 

“You should feel safe. Is there anything you want to talk about?” She knew Red likely wanted to discuss her nightmare from the night before.

“Do you have any new information?”

Liz attempted to steer the course of their conversation. She didn’t want to talk about Tom – nor did she want to reveal anything about the dream before Tom had entered the picture. If she did get the nerve to approach Reddington about a romantic aspect to their relationship, she wanted to broach it in a much less embarrassing fashion. Although, knowing Reddington, he would likely only find the situation flattering – he seemed to be immune from embarrassment.

“Not as of yet. But I promise I’ll let you know the moment I do.”

“Then I don’t think there’s anything I need to talk about,” Liz trailed off.

Red eyed her back knowingly. He wanted to get something out of her, but he knew better than to pry too much too fast.

“Right then. I’ll call Dembe in for some lunch. Can you grab some bowls and spoons for us all?”

* * *

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully. Red and Dembe used their satellite phones to follow up with a variety of contacts while Liz tried to occupy herself around the house. In very Raymond Reddington fashion, there were dozens of books in the cabin, despite its small size. They were stashed away in various drawers, under beds and couches, and stacked on the floor of the living room. Considering the lack of a television, wi-fi, or any other modern entertainment, Liz was very grateful to be able to read to pass the time.

Given that reading books was just about the only activity to keep her occupied while Dembe and Red were engaged with more important work, Liz also had the day to work through her thoughts on her and Red. By the time evening rolled around, she had made a decision to at least broach the subject of her past with Red and see how he responded. Before she got too ahead of herself, she wanted to see if she could get any clarity. If they could work past this hurdle, Liz promised herself she would strongly consider taking the plunge.

“I think I’ll turn in for the night,” Red announced to the room. Dembe had taken up an armchair with a book and mumbled something that sounded like “good night” in return – obviously the book was fairly captivating.

“Oh –” Liz didn’t want to miss her moment, “I was wondering if I could just talk to you about something.”

“Of course. Why don’t you come down to my room.” He wanted to give Deme a modicum of privacy after all, considering he didn’t get a room of his own.

The two of them settled on Red’s bed, being as there was nowhere else to sit in his room. Liz felt her nerves starting to creep up slowly, but did her best to suppress them. She reminded herself that Red didn’t know why she was bringing this up again.

Honesty had always been important to Liz. She knew that Red would never outright lie to her, but he didn’t shy away from lying by omission. The issue of her past had always been a spot of tension between the two of them, too, and she wanted to ensure that if she were to be open with him about her feelings, she could feel like that tension was behind them.

She still had a suspicion that he could always see right through her, but for the time being she hoped he would just see this as a natural recurrence of her curiosity, rather than a test marker for if she was ready to pursue him in another light.

“What did you want to talk about?” Red opened the conversation.

“I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I was wondering if you were any more willing to tell me more about my parents, and how you knew them.”

Liz could see a quick expression of what seemed like disappointment pass on Red’s face, but she couldn’t be sure. Her nervousness continued to mount and she began to ramble in response.

“It’s just that with everything going on I feel like I have even more of a right to know at least something about them, don’t you think?”

“I can empathize with your curiosity, Lizzy, but I promise I’m doing what I feel I must to protect you.”

“How does this protect me? Knowledge is power, is it not? Whoever it is that we’re running from now, if they find out who I am, what will they find out about you in addition to your connection to the FBI? I know you think I can’t protect myself, but I’m tougher, and smarter, than you give me credit for.”

The words just came pouring out, like they had done so many times before. She was back in that place of frustration at Red, so far from where she actually had want to be in this conversation.

“I know how strong you are, Lizzy. And how smart you are.” Red responded measuredly, trying to calm the tone of the conversation.

“Then why can’t you show it? Why don’t you trust me to know about my own life?”

“I’m just doing what I think is right for you.”

Liz exhaled. As much as she didn’t agree with him, she believed that’s what he thought.

“I don’t want this to be something that comes between us anymore.”

“I don’t either.”

Liz hesitated before responding, focusing intently on the ground, “I want to be closer to you.”

If Red was taken aback, he didn’t show it.

“I want to be closer to you too, Lizzy.” His voice was soft and low. He slowly reached over and wrapped her hand in his, waiting for her to look up at him again.

“What’s this really all about?” He asked.

“It’s about a lot of things. I think I have a right to know, and I also think that I’ll be more of an asset to you if I’m not three steps behind whoever’s chasing us. And…”

“And?”

“And I don’t want to be angry with you anymore. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a bystander in my own life. I need someone to trust me, and to believe in me, and to understand that I should get to be in control of what I do and who I am.” Her voice was shaky, and tears were threatening to fall down her cheeks.

Her words hung in the air as Red processed what she said.

“Didn’t you say that this was supposed to be a turning point? I’m tired of people trying to control me, trying to limit me. Don’t you understand?”

Red knew she was talking about Tom. He didn’t see himself as anything like that bastard, but he understood how she feared that he would take on her ex-husband’s role as the new tyrant in her life. And that was the last thing he wanted her to feel like he was.

“I understand.” Red reached over to brush a tear away from her cheek. “Ask me what you want to know.”

* * *

The two of them talked late into the night, and Red left no question unanswered.

He explained what her parents had been to him – allies, business partners, and nearly friends.

But her mother very quickly became the kind of person with whom Red did not wish to be involved. She cared less about any principles, less about her husband, less about her own daughter.

Red knew he was far from a saint, but he still figured himself a moralist – even if his moral compass was unique. There were areas of business no amount of money or power could make him touch. And when he cared for someone, he cared deeply.

He, for example, would never set fire to a house with his partner and child inside.

“I don’t know why I was the one your father called for help,” Red said. “But I’m always thankful that he did.”

“You were there.” Liz’ voice was barely a whisper. “You saved us. You saved _me_.”

“Yes.”

“What happened to my father?”

Red was so tempted to lie. He wanted to tell Liz that her father never survived. That he didn’t run away and leave his only daughter behind. That he viewed this as an opportunity for a clean break, always so motivated by self-interest. But he couldn’t lie…not to her.

It was well past midnight, and Liz was exhausted and overwhelmed. Her mother didn’t care about her, her father had abandoned her, and Red had saved her.

“Do you know where they are now?”

“Your mother found your father, and she finished what she first set out to do.”

“Is she still alive?”

“No…I don’t think so.”

“But you’re not sure?”

“I strongly believe she is dead – but with her, I suppose anything is possible.”

They sat in silence again. Red still didn’t know if he had done the right thing in telling her so much. She didn’t deserve so much pain.

But unbeknownst to him, amidst all the hurt she was feeling, Liz felt an unfamiliar peace with Reddington. The wall that had always been between them was finally gone.

Red had, indirectly, provided her with the childhood she deserved. He had given her her beloved Sam. He had provided for the two of them from afar.

“I always thought you were trying to protect me from other people, but you were trying to protect me from my own thoughts, weren’t you?”

Red nodded. “It was all so unfair to you. I didn’t want you to blame yourself for anything, or feel any less about yourself. I promise you, you are not like them.”

Liz nodded back. She could appreciate his actions much more now.

“So why did you come back to me, after all these years?”

“Sam asked me to. As his health worsened he wanted to feel like he was still able to take care of you. His request and my Blacklist seemed to fit hand in hand, but I understand if you consider my methods to be ill-advised…or merely selfish. I didn’t know you then like I know you now.”

“How you do feel about me now?”

“I don’t want to use you, and I don’t want you to feel used. I care for you. I want to keep you safe, and not just for Sam.”

Their hands were still holding on to each other. Liz gave his a squeeze and released herself from his grip.

“Thank you…for everything.”

Red watched as she walked out of the room. She looked as tired as he was sure that she felt. But she also seemed to stand a little straighter. Like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

Liz didn’t have much time to reflect on the night of conversation before sleep overwhelmed her. She thought this moment, if it ever came, would be so much more dramatic. But she found now that it all felt so far removed. Her parents were gone, and she didn’t have to pay them any more thought. Of course she was hurt, deeply, knowing what she knew now of her parents. She no longer had the luxury of painting an ideal picture in her mind of what they might have been like, as she had done so many times as a child.

But she had proved she was capable of so much more without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out this link on BLM: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/  
> There are petitions, resources, and places to donate (if you are able).


	9. Forcing His Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the update! I look forward to any suggestions or feedback you have :)

They had been at the cabin for just over a week before Red and Dembe received some useful intel. Liz had continued to busy herself as best she could, but she longed for some more companionship.

When she could, she would steal Red or Dembe away for a conversation or a game of chess. Red was even doing his best to teach her some cooking here and there with the limited variety in ingredients that they had.

The two men had decided that Dembe would hike out first and investigate what he could of the intel they had received and hoped that that would lead to contact with Abby Watt.

“Be safe.” Liz gave Dembe one last hug as Red added some final supplies to Dembe’s backpack.

“Always. I’m counting on you to take care of our Raymond now,” he joked.

Liz grinned back. While Dembe’s comment was made in jest, she had liked the sound of that… _our Raymond._

She stood back and let Red say his goodbye. She had always marvelled at the connected the two men had. Their connection was unbreakable. She was jealous of the closeness – she could hardly remember the last time, if ever, she had felt so connected to someone else. Even in the best of times with Tom, she didn’t think she had ever been that devoted.

Red closed the door behind Dembe’s figure departing into the darkness. For a moment, she could see an expression of solemn worry etched on his face, but, as he often did, he quickly masked his feelings with a gentle smile.

Liz knew he worried about Dembe. In their world, there was always the possibility that any farewell could be your last. But she hardly wanted to think about that now, while there was nothing she could do about it. And it was clear that Red didn’t want to either.

Instead, she turned her thoughts to other things.

The two of them were finally alone.

Dembe preferred to leave under the cover of darkness, and given the long summer days, it was already fairly late. She longed to jump on this chance she had been waiting for, but the timing left her a little off-kilter.

Red was likely still steeped in worry, and she herself was already becoming tired, not to mention that, like Red, she was anxious too. Furthermore, they had had little time in which the two of them were alone together since their late-night conversation over a week ago. She felt no need to revisit what they had covered, but she didn’t know if Red felt the same way. At the very least, he may want to start off with a discussion about their date…and their kiss. Oh how long ago that felt to Liz now.

“So, what now?” Liz tested the waters.

“Well, like we talked about, we’ll sit tight here and wait for Dembe to make contact.”

“I meant, like, right now. What are you doing for the rest of the night?” Liz gave him a small smile at his misunderstanding.

“Oh, well, I don’t know. It’s late…I think sleep may be calling soon.” She wondered if this was an attempt to gently push her away.

“Do you ever sleep?” Liz teased.

“I’ve been known to dabble.”

The two lapsed back into a momentary silence. They were both acutely aware that they were alone with each other.

“It’s probably best to get some sleep, Lizzy. Big day tomorrow after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve got our vacation back, albeit more than slightly altered. But Dembe’s doing the heavy lifting for now, which means I owe you an uninterrupted game of chess. Also, I think it’s about time we have another cooking lesson, don’t you think?”

“I look forward to it.” Liz smiled back at him.

 _He’s not pushing me away, just postponing._ At least she was going to let herself think that for now.

“You can use the washroom first. I’m going to have a drink.”

“Sounds good, thanks.” Liz knew he probably couldn’t get to sleep without one.

Before turning out of the room, she surprised herself by walking to Red to give him a hug. She needed the comfort, the intimacy, and she’d like to think that he did too. As much as he lived in a state of danger, he was still human. Even if he struggled to believe it.

Red embraced her, not letting his own surprise show at her sudden display of affection. He was grateful for the intimacy. His thoughts were still with Dembe, and back in America, trying to piece together their current state of affairs with little to go on.

 _But right now you’re here. You’re here with Lizzy_.

He didn’t want to become absent, but rather was determined to make the most of this situation. But in what seemed like the first time in forever, Raymond Reddington didn’t know what to do next.

They exited their embrace and Liz went to the washroom to get ready for bed. Back in the kitchen, Red poured himself a generous allotment of Scotch and made his way to sit on the couch. He needed to quiet his mind before attempting to rest his head.

* * *

Liz thought she was tired, but as soon as she crawled into bed she found herself wide awake. She was just beginning to realize how much pent up anxiety she really had. Everything from the turning point with Tom, her kiss with Red, the break in, her dream, and now her worry about Dembe had mounted up inside of her and was ready to burst.

She tried to move around and make herself comfortable, but her body was still filled with tension.

Almost without thinking, she let her hand make its way down between her legs. It had been so long since she had felt that kind of touch.

But why shouldn’t she?

When she had been with Tom he hadn’t liked the idea of her taking matters into her own hands – literally and figuratively. And ever since they had divorced, she had felt so lost, broken, and out of sorts that she hadn’t even considered trying to bring herself pleasure. She wondered wryly to herself if she even remembered how to do it.

She pushed up her nightgown and pushed down her underwear, letting her fingers dance slowly around her inner thighs and on the smooth skin below her belly button, brushing lightly against the neat tuft of hair she preferred to leave behind. That was one thing that she took back after her marriage ended – she could groom as she pleased.

She was surprised how relaxing this felt. She deserved this, to feel comfortable and content in her own skin. To make herself feel good if she wanted to. Her body was her own, and she finally felt that way.

She became more daring, edging her fingers closer to core, still teasing but applying pressure when it felt right. When was the last time she was able to simply explore what made her tick?

 _Someone has to…_ she thought to herself.

Little by little her touches became more confident, and soon her whole body was tingling. She let her head fall into the pillow, arching her back at the feeling of two fingers circling her clit and occasionally dipping into her warm centre for its natural lubrication.

Her shallow breaths soon turned into soft moans, and it became more difficult to try and quiet herself. She hadn’t felt these things in such a long time and was so lost in the moment.

Back in the living room, Red had long since finished his drink and was unsure of what to do with himself next. He could attempt sleep, but he knew he was unlikely to make it there for quite some time.

The least he could do was get ready for bed, and then maybe revisit an old novel. He picked up a couple books from a nearby stack, turned off the lights, and made his way into the hallway. He noted that the light in Elizabeth’s room was off and was pleased that she was able to rest.

But as he walked by her room he heard a noise from within – heavy breathing, a whine of distress. The walls here were obnoxiously thin.

_Is she having another nightmare?_

As he had reassured her after her episode in the tent, he was no stranger to those occurrences either. He hated how weak and vulnerable they made him feel, and he hoped he had made her feel less alone in that respect by confiding in her.

Dembe would often wake him if he noticed Red’s distress – _“why should I let you suffer?”_ was Dembe’s rationale – and Red would often be left with mixed feelings. It was true, why should he suffer if his friend was around to help him, but at the same time the realization and embarrassment once he was awakened was a feeling he did not enjoy.

_Should I wake her?_

He held himself to a different set of expectations – he would never want Lizzy to feel weak or embarrassed, and neither did he believe that she had any cause to be. But in empathizing with her he knew she was likely to feel the same way he did.

But he still hated to hear her in distress.

He silently opened her door by a sliver. The room was dark, lit only by the soft light of the moon through the tiny window above her. He could see the outline of her figure in bed, but not much detail.

She looked to be at an odd angle for sleeping, her knees poking upright under the blankets. He heard her breathing become more rapid and she elicited another moan.

…and then he understood.

As quickly as he could without making a noise he shut her door again and took a step back into the hallway.

_Lizzy was…_

Before he could gather his thoughts he heard a final, unmistakable noise coming from her room, a poorly muffled sign that she had come to the conclusion she had been looking for.

He quickly nipped into his bedroom. More than ever, Red didn’t know what to do with himself. He put his books on the floor and went to sit on the bed.

His first thought was _good for her_. She obviously needed a release of some sort and he was glad that she found it.

 _It’s completely natural_. But the problem was, so was his response.

From the moment he had understood what he had witnessed, his body had inadvertently taken on its own response. Now, sitting alone on his bed, his hardness still continued to grow. He couldn’t stop himself from closing his eyes and trying to recreate the fleeting image of what he had just seen… and heard. Images of Lizzy wrapped up in evening gowns back at the hotel and sitting elegantly in her daring dress at the restaurant flashed before him. She had wanted to know if he found her beautiful, had wanted to go on a date with him, had accepted a kiss from him…

His hand was automatically settled below his belt, trying to apply a modicum of the touch that he needed.

Without allowing himself to dwell on his decision, he quietly made his way back to the bathroom at the other end of the hall and shut the door behind him. His hands followed the familiar motions by muscle memory: releasing the belt, unceremoniously tugging his trousers and underwear down, and steadying himself against the counter with his left hand while he grasped his member with his right.

 _I shouldn’t be doing this_.

But he couldn’t seem to stop.

He tried not to make this about her, but rather to recognize it as a natural release of his own.

But as he continued to stroke himself he couldn’t help but see flashes of Lizzy before his eyes.

Her laugh, her smile, the curve of her back, the way she fit so perfectly in his embrace…

All of her was sensual. But he also knew her to be more than that. She was smart, a friend, brave, resourceful, funny, caring…

His thumb slid firmly over his slit as he squeezed the head of his dick, gritting his teeth and trying to stay silent. He was desperate not to be heard.

In a matter of moments he too found his release, breathing her name out involuntarily, barely a whisper. An inkling of shame slowly began to envelop him as he clean himself off and washed his hands. He stared at his flushed reflection in the mirror.

He couldn’t really be surprised. He knew he found her attractive – that understanding had been solidified as he ogled her trying on dresses only a week before. If he was truly honest with himself, he could have acknowledged those feelings long before then.

But this was different. It was physical, sure, but there was something else there. Something greater than the care he had held for her already, if that was even possible. From the moment they first kissed, he had been sure of it. He wanted her…in every way. And he wanted to belong to her, too.

* * *

Liz was laying in bed, sated and happy.

 _Now that was a turning point_.

She felt cozy all wrapped up in her warm cocoon of blankets. She continued to stroke her stomach and breasts languidly, relishing what was left of her high.

Nothing could permeate the blissful feeling surrounding her right now.

Except, as it turned out, the need to go to the bathroom.

Liz pulled her nightgown back down over her thighs and got out of bed, not bothering to replace her panties for the quick trip. The hallway was dark, signifying that Red had also turned in. She tip-toed to the bathroom, and just as she noticed the light poking out from under the closed door, she heard the toilet flush and found herself face-to-face with Reddington as he opened the door from within. He started, not expecting to see her standing there.

“Sorry to scare you.” She took a step away from the door.

 _What is she doing here?_ He felt a slight panic rise in his chest. Did she knew what he had just done?

Hoping she didn’t, he side stepped out of the door frame, allowing her a clear passage inside. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she looked in the small, pink nightgown…especially knowing what she had just done.

“No harm done,” he replied, doing his best to measure his voice. He was beyond thankful that he had tidied himself up before opening the door. He didn’t want to think of how the encounter might go if she had found him in that dishevelled state.

She closed the bathroom door behind her and Red walked down the hallway, firmly closing his door behind him. He was going to lock himself in there until morning.

Any other time, Liz would have felt exceedingly embarrassed having been caught off-guard in her nightgown with nothing underneath, only moments after bringing herself to climax. But the remnants of her previous actions still left her feeling positive. Although to most it wouldn’t seem like it, to her she envisioned her pleasure as a small act of rebellion against the gloom and dominance that used to envelop her. She was free to do what she wanted, and she had.

And she wasn’t at all upset at the thought that Red might have liked the view.


	10. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! True to the tags, this is a sloooow burn, and this fic is very plot-driven.
> 
> As always, looking forward to any comments you have -- they really keep me going! :)

While Red had been able to keep his hands under control until morning, he still woke up with a raging hard on. While a bout of morning wood wasn’t uncommon, this still felt residual from the night before.

The sun had risen but it was still early. Red took a quick shower and changed into dark jeans and a long-sleeved grey shirt – they were in the forest after all. While he wore his daily suits primarily for their versatility and practicality (and, to be honest, he did think he could wear a suit quite well), he hadn’t minded the switch to more casual clothing over the past few days.

Red took his morning coffee out to the small front porch. It felt odd to be sitting out in the open, with no defence and no Dembe, even if there was a thick forest on all sides. The cabin’s location was what really gave them their protection, rather than the structure itself. So he felt at ease in his otherwise vulnerable position.

As of that moment, he actually felt less at ease being inside…where Lizzy was.

Red didn’t know what to do about his current situation, or if there was anything that should be done. For him, last night had been a small turning point, or at least a cause to stop and think. But last night could have meant nothing for Lizzy in regard to him. Who was he to say that anything about him made her do what she did?

Sure, there was usually some scene flashing behind his eyelids whenever he felt the urge to masturbate, but it wasn’t always specific. Sometimes an orgasm is just an orgasm, with or without a reason.

But he for damn sure had a reason last night.

He wanted to talk to Lizzy about their kiss. About how she had wanted to brand their dinner out an official date. What did that mean for her then… and had anything changed now? He was hesitant to bring up that photograph he had of her, and he hoped that she had accepted his explanation. It was all truthful, what he had said. He just wanted to be able to see her smiling and happy. He thanked his lucky stars that there really wasn’t anything else behind it.

_God forbid she think I ever kept it for any other purposes…_

He shuddered at the thought of that conversation.

_No, better not bring that up for discussion unless she does._

Red continued to sip his coffee and stare off into the distance in contemplation. Now that Dembe was away, they had time to work through any conversations they wanted in the privacy of isolation. And not knowing exactly how long they would have made it all the more important for Red to bite the bullet and have those conversations now, regardless of how anxious they made him.

_But why do I feel anxious?_

Liz had initiated the date. And she had seemed more than happy to be on the receiving end of that kiss. It wasn’t as though he would be approaching their feelings without any indication that she was having similar thoughts.

And it wasn’t as though Red usually had any problem with women.

But this was different. He couldn’t just flash a charming smile and cruise through the rest of the evening. Because this was real…and he wanted more than just one night.

Liz woke up feeling like a whole new woman. She even allowed herself to dissociate from the fact that she was hiding in an off-the-grid cabin, deep in the woods of a foreign country. She was going to make the most of this day.

Walking into the kitchen, she saw the top of Red’s head peeking through the window. Wrapping herself in a blanket from the living room, she wandered out to the porch to greet him.

“Good morning!” she said cheerfully, playfully whisking his half-empty mug from his hand and taking a sip.

“Lizzy,” he greeted her, smiling at her antics, “how are you this morning?”

“I’m _happy_ , Red,” she replied emphatically, letting the feeling behind her words be known.

“And what’s making you so happy?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” she said, taking another sip of his coffee before handing back his mug.

 _Oh, if only she knew…_ he thought to himself.

“Then I’m just happy you’re happy.” And he was. “So, what’s on the docket for today?”

“You’re letting me take the lead for once?” Liz said, teasing – although it wasn’t that far from the truth. “I guess there really is a first time for everything.”

Red raised a wry eyebrow in response.

“First, I wouldn’t mind a hot shower and some breakfast. Then, I’m really game for whatever.”

“Let’s start there then. You go wash up, and I’ll get some breakfast going. What would you like to eat? I can get you oatmeal, oatmeal, or oatmeal. I do make some fine pancakes, but I know better than to suggest those.”

“Oatmeal’s fine,” she laughed.

* * *

Although their activities were not much different from what Liz had already been doing for a week, doing them with Red made them feel completely new. During whatever it was they were doing – cooking, playing a game, doing yoga (well, Liz did yoga while Red took a spot on the couch) – they lapsed into easy conversation. To Liz it felt like seeing an old friend after years, even though she had seen or talked to Red almost every day since she had met him.

But a fog had finally cleared, and she finally felt present and untethered. She had had a glimpse of this feeling on their brief dinner date, but now it felt as though Red had really and truly crossed over the line from CI to friend – and she wasn’t going to let him go back. In fact, she had decided she was going to go ahead and keep pushing him over the next line.

After dinner, Red cleared their dishes and Liz followed him into the kitchen, watching as he poured himself a glass of wine. He cocked his head to the side and gestured the bottle towards her, questioning whether she wanted a glass, and she silently accepted.

 _Maybe one doesn’t even need words to communicate_ , she thought.

“I feel badly that we haven’t had more time to talk before today. I enjoyed being able to connect with you again.” Red handed Liz her glass and the two of them walked back into the living room, each taking a seat on the couch, facing each other.

“You’ve been busy, understandably. I should really be saying thank you for everything you’re doing.”

“I’d say you’re welcome if this weren’t all my fault,” Red mused, taking a long sip of wine.

As much as he wanted to be present for this conversation, his mind was still elsewhere. He was still stuck in his train of thought from that morning – what to say and how to say it.

And in the background of all that he was still hanging on to the guilt of bringing Liz into this situation.

"What are you thinking about?” Liz questioned his far-off gaze.

“Oh, too much.” He sighed, returning his eyes back to her.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about us.” _Here it goes_ , she thought.

“Oh?” That comment sure brought him back to the present. “And what have you been thinking about us?”

“A lot of things,” she said honestly. She’d had plenty of time to let her mind wander in the last week – she could hardly keep track of all the trains of thought that had been racing around her brain.

“I’ve thought more about our kiss.” She tried to narrow it down for him.

“Me too.” Red admitted. He placed his wine glass on the coffee table and gently lay his free hand on Liz’ knee. This was slightly unexpected, but very welcome.

“That night was lovely.” Red’s gaze was intense but Liz didn’t want to look away. “I’m sorry about what it all turned into.”

“Remind me how it went?” Liz whispered, leaning in closer.

This was it. _Act now, talk later,_ he thought.

Red took his hand off Liz’ knee and took her wine glass from her hand, slowly resting it next to his on the coffee table. He turned back to her and stared again into her eyes, which were staring expectantly back at him.

The ball was in his court now.

He placed his palm against her cheek and watched as Liz’ eyes fluttered, struggling to keep his gaze while the adrenaline began to course throughout her body. He drew her in even closer and his lips brushed ever so gently against her own.

“May I?” He breathed against her mouth.

Her head was stuck between his hand and his mouth, but she gave a slight nod. That was all he needed.

He started gently, like he had that first night, savouring this unexpected moment. He hadn’t thought the evening would turn this way, nor had he expected it to come on as quick as it did.

His lips repeatedly brushed against hers, becoming less delicate as he continued to touch her. These motions were so familiar, but with her it felt so new.

After a moment he could feel her tongue hesitantly nudging against his lips, a subtle plea to continue taking this further.

He allowed her entrance, taking her initiation as a sign that she wanted more. As they continued to taste each other Red let his left hand wander, his right still anchored in her hair, keeping her mouth firmly against his.

He slid his hand up from her knee to her hip, pulling her core closer to his and squeezing her gently but firmly enough to elicit the smallest of moans. But even that was enough to stir up movement in his trousers.

They continued to kiss, their passion and fervour increasing. Red let his hand move upwards, teasing the hem of her shirt as he lifted it slowly on his way to her breast. Liz lent into his exploration, savouring the feeling of his strong hand moving leisurely against her soft skin: the perfect mix of masculinity and tenderness.

He continued to inch his fingers up, finding his mark and gently teasing her breast over her bra. As he made contact there, pressing her nipple through the fabric with his thumb, Liz felt an unexpected jolt of anxiety move through her and she drew in a short, involuntary breath.

_It’s all happening so fast._

_But isn’t this what you wanted?_

Her thoughts were scrambled and at war with each other.

Red noticed her reaction immediately. He quickly moved his hand out from under her shirt and drew his lips away from her.

“What is it Lizzy?” Red searched for her gaze, seeing anxiety etched across her face.

“I don’t know,” she responded automatically, trying to shake the feeling away. “It’s just – I’m sorry…” she trailed off again.

“We can take this slow,” Red reassured her. “We don’t have to take this anywhere.”

“No, I want to – I think.”

 _I thought I had this all figured out_ , she thought to herself. _Why are you stopping this? This is exactly what you wanted._

“I don’t know why I stopped,” she admitted.

“That’s okay. This is new. In fact we probably should discuss some things first, after all.” Red brought has hand back to her knee, hoping it came off as a reassuring gesture that he still wanted to remain close. His first instinct that morning had been right – some things were not meant to go unsaid.

“You’re probably right.” Liz admitted. “But I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.” Red lifted her chin with his finger to bring her eyes to meet his. “Nothing to be sorry about. I promise.”

Liz nodded meekly in response.

“I think I’m just not used to this…like, doing this with someone new.”

“Those are perfectly valid feelings.”

“You matter a lot to me.”

“And you to me, Lizzy.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Liz repeated again.

“Well, when we first sat down you told me you had been thinking about our night in Florence, and our kiss. What did you mean by that?”

“I liked it, both the date and the kiss.” Liz paused for a moment before speaking again. “And, well, I think I’d like to do them both again.”

Red couldn’t help but let slip a small smile. “Me too, on both counts.”

“So what next?” Liz asked. Red looked so at ease, but she still felt embarrassed. No matter how many times Red would reassure her, she felt bad for creating this awkward moment. She was a grown woman after all, and she was acting like a nervous teenager.

“I think you gave us our answer. How about I take you on another date? I think that seems only appropriate, don’t you think?”

“You want to take me on a date?”

“That surprises you?”

“I mean – I guess a little, yeah.”

“Has my affection for you gone unnoticed?”

“I guess I just have a hard time believing it, is all.”

Red’s heart dropped slightly at this comment. _And here I am, knowing that in no world do I deserve someone like her_ , he thought. _How could she believe that I could feel any different?_

“I hope I can make you feel otherwise.”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that I have a crush on you, as I’m sure you notice with most women.”

_A crush? You really are a nervous teenager, aren’t you._

“I’m sure most women would disagree with you there, Lizzy. But I’m flattered. And if that’s what you’re calling it, then I’d say I have a crush on you too.” He flashed her another one of his gentle, reassuring smiles.

_How does he always know exactly what to do and exactly what to say? How it is possible that **he** actually wants **me**?_

“But I want to do this right.” His voice cut through her insecurity. “This – you, our relationship – it’s important to me. And I think we would be remiss if we didn’t take into account that we carry a great deal of baggage.”

Liz nodded her agreement.

_The task force, their CI-handler partnership, his criminal lifestyle…_

_Tom._

She did her best to push her ex-husband from her mind as quickly as it had come.

Red could see in her face the collection of thoughts racing through her mind.

“Let me make you dinner tomorrow,” he said.

Liz smirked. “And how would that be different than any other night?”

“I’ll light a candle,” he joked in response. “But most importantly, we’ll think of it as something different. I’d like to take you on a date, Elizabeth, if you’ll have me.”

“I’d love to go on a date with you, Raymond.” She couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“Oh, I feel so silly now,” she admitted.

“What for?”

“What just happened? We were doing perfectly fine, and now…”

“I think everything happened as it should. Like I said, I want to do this right. And for me, for us, I think that means taking this slower. We’ve been given the gift of time, in some sense, haven’t we?”

“I just feel…weak, I guess.” He waited for her to continue. “I’ve been thinking all day about trying to approach you about what I assumed were mutual feelings—”

“And you assumed correctly,” he interrupted to reassure her.

“—and as soon as I got exactly what I had hoped for I stopped it.”

“It’s new. New is scary,” he reasoned for her.

“I just thought that after…well I just thought that I had turned a corner is all.” What she was really thinking was that after last night, she had thought for a brief moment that she was finally free to pursue whatever she wanted, and it had been a disheartening realization when she recognized that she had been mistaken…that there was still work that needed to be done.

Red, as he often did, could read between the lines.

“The past can be a difficult burden to shake, no matter how strong one is.”

Red was unsure what level of knowledge Liz knew he had in regard to her previous marriage. Even he was uncertain in some respects what had gone on behind closed doors, but he had filled in the gaps as best as he could. He knew for certain that he had let Tom get away with far too much, had let him take far too much control over her.

He would never want that for Liz, or for himself. He wanted to be in partnership with her, not have ownership over her. He wanted to share, to collaborate, to build something together that was greater than the two of them.

But Tom had wanted to take, to manipulate, to control. Where Red wanted to nurture Liz, Tom wanted to feed off of her. Red remembered the weeks leading up to Liz finally asserting that she wanted a divorce; Liz had been a shell of herself. It was as if someone had sucked the life from her to take as their own.

“So what now – like, right now?” Liz asked.

“How about I read you something?” Red could sense that Liz was not in a place where she wanted to talk any further, but he felt like they both could use each others’ company.

“That sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Red made his way to his bedroom and pulled out his book of poetry. It was an unnecessary item to have packed when they made their escape from the hotel, but it was important to him nonetheless.

He sat back down on the couch beside Liz, putting on his glasses and coaxing her easily under the crook of one arm as he held the book with the other.

He began to read the very poem he had read to himself two weeks previous. It had been good for him then, and he thought it might be what Elizabeth needed to hear right now.

“The Journey,” he began, “by Mary Oliver.”

His low voice instilled an immediate sense of comfort in Elizabeth, and she snuggled closer into his chest and allowed herself to close her eyes.

“One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice –

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

‘Mend my life!’

Each voice cried.”

 _Tom has held me back for so long_ , she thought. _I thought the divorce would finish that. And then I thought last night would finish that. But I think Red’s right…it’s not a one-time thing, but a process – a “journey” I guess._

“But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its still fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.”

_I did know what I had to do, and I did it. And I just need to keep doing it. This can be part of the process, right? I can do more than one thing at the same time in order to heal, can’t I? Even if I stumble, I think Red wants to be there to catch me._

“But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world

determined to do the only thing you could do –

determined to save

the only thing you could save.”

_I’m ready for this, even if I’m not ready for everything. Sure, it’s scary. Like Red said, it’s new. But in so many ways it’s also the same thing again, which is why it’s so hard. I know Red is different, but this all feels so familiar. The infatuation, the closeness…it was like that before, too._

_But not exactly like it is now. He’s different._

_And I think I’m different too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beneath all the Blacklist stuff, this may also be a way for me to express my endless love of Mary Oliver...who knows


	11. Holy Interruptus, Batman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry it's been such a long time since I updated. I didn't mean for that to happen, but life just got in the way. I moved house, got a second job, and got married, so a lot was going on!
> 
> This chapter is a little longer than my usual, so I hope that makes up for it a bit. Happy reading! Please let me know what you think -- I really value any feedback and constructive criticism you have. :)

Liz spent the majority of the next day trying to push away her uncertain feelings. It proved to be a difficult task, as she was having trouble understanding just what the anxiety she was feeling was from.

But she couldn’t lie to herself any longer, on two fronts.

First, she knew full well that much of her hesitation and general anxiety came from her previous relationship with Tom. As much as she wanted to think that it was behind her, she couldn’t pretend that he didn’t have a hold on her. She continued to do her best to shift any blame off of herself, and she knew deep down that this was the truth, but yet it still proved to be a task easier said than done.

Second, she was undeniably feeling some first-date jitters. Well, technically second-date jitters. Not only had it been ages since she’d gone on a real date, not counting the handful of guys Aram had tried to find for her, she hadn’t wanted to be there in the first place, so she had no investment to spark any worry. Before she had even walked out the door those nights she knew she’d be wasting everybody’s time. She just wasn’t ready to get back in the game then.

She didn’t even know if she was ready now, but she knew she had to try. Not just because she couldn’t go on like this anymore – living so guarded and in fear. She wanted to her life to be bigger, but day by day she saw the walls closing in around her. But that was only half of it. She knew she had to grab this opportunity, because she knew that this could be the real thing.

Despite their rocky beginnings there was an unbreakable foundation between her and Red. Now that Sam was gone, she could say without hesitation that Red was the person she felt most strongly connected to. It was a certain kind of care, love, and friendship that bound them together, and while she didn’t understand it, she knew she needed it. She was hardly even worried about jeopardizing their current state. She didn’t know whether that was naïve or not, but something told her that there was nothing she could do that would cause Red to leave her side.

_And just imagine if that could all be amplified with a romantic element to our relationship…_

Of course this was the right thing to do.

But that didn’t stop it from being scary.

_It’s like starting to date on the 30 th date. We already know all there is to know about each other, or at least all each of us is willing to share right now. We can hardly partake in small talk, what with everything going on. How much have we committed already, just agreeing to explore this?_

_Should I sleep with him?_

That last thought made her feel all sorts of things. Of course her baser instincts told her to go for it. She knew she found him attractive; that was a given. And if she looked at the situation objectively, she could assume that he felt the same towards her. She had rekindled her libido, but she was still wary of what might happen in the moment. Even with just a kiss, she hadn’t been able to give in.

And he was still Red. What would it be like for Red to see her, to touch her, to touch him back? She worried she’d become awkward and embarrassed.

_Who knows how many women he’s done this with before?_

She didn’t know if she could handle being compared.

 _Maybe I’d better let him take the lead_.

She also didn’t know if she could handle a rejection.

* * *

Red placed the finishing touches down on the kitchen table. He didn’t have much at his disposal for a fancy dinner, but he did his best.

He walked down the hall to Liz’ room and gave a gentle knock. They’d agreed that he would ‘pick her up’ at 7:00.

“Good evening,” Red said as Liz opened her door. Neither of them were dressed up at all, as they hadn’t brought any dress clothes along…unless Liz counted that nightgown…

“Good evening? That’s a little formal, don’t you think?”

“I consider this to be a special occasion,” Red said honestly. He procured a small flower from behind his back and handed it to Liz.

“Oh, that’s so sweet!” she exclaimed. Red beamed inwardly. To see her happy made him happy, especially if he could be the one to cause those emotions within her.

“Shall we?” He put out his arm and Liz took it, linking the two of them together. Despite the tight squeeze as they walked side-by-side down the narrow hallway, the intimacy felt natural.

“Oh!” Red heard a slight gasp escape Liz’ lips as they walked into the dining area. Red had set the table with candles and a bouquet of wildflowers like the one he had given Liz moments before.

“Red, it’s absolutely lovely.” Liz beamed up at him before pressing a small kiss against his cheek. If he was surprised at the gesture, he didn’t show it, but his heart was thoroughly warmed.

Red guided Liz into her chair before retrieving their food from the kitchen.

They quickly lapsed into fairly easy conversation, despite both of their earlier fears, and were both surprised to see the clock nearing 10:00 before they had even left their seats at the table.

“I know it’s getting late, but I’m really not feeling tired yet. Would you be up to staying up a bit longer?” Liz asked.

“I was about to say the same thing. Shall we move into the living room? It’ll be far more comfortable.”

Once they made their way to the couch, however, their conversation fell stagnant.

 _That’s as good a sign as any,_ Liz thought.

“Can I kiss you?” Liz blurted out spontaneously, breaking the silence between them.

Red paused for a moment before responding. To Liz, it felt like a lifetime.

“Please do,” he said, finally.

Immediately her lips were on his. She was done with slow and timid.

Liz’ hands were planted firmly on Red’s shoulders, holding him tight to her as they kissed. Red could tell she was all in. _What the hell_ , he thought.

Red’s tongue danced over her closed lips for just a second before she allowed him entry. _Oh, to taste her…_ how long he had been waiting for a moment like this.

Then his hands were on her, too. His palms grasped her hips, just as firmly as she held him, and he pulled her closer until she was nearly on top of him. At the same time Liz let out a deep moan, the sound going straight to his crotch, already bringing his member halfway to attention.

Liz broke their kiss briefly as she felt his erection against her thigh. This was just the feedback she was looking for.

“Bedroom?” She asked breathlessly.

Oh how badly he wanted to take her up on this offer.

“You’re sure this isn’t too fast for you?” He wanted to be certain.

“I started this, remember?” She replied earnestly. And that was all he needed.

Red deftly lifted Liz into her arms, grinning at her gasp of surprise, and carried her swiftly out of the living room and down to his room at the end of the hallway.

He kicked the door closed behind him before placing Liz gently on the bed. There was no one else in the house, and no one anywhere close to the house to disturb them, but force of habit got the better of him. And, he supposed, the desire for pure seclusion. He felt he was entering his own personal heaven, after all, and wasn’t keen to share it with anyone. Except Elizabeth Keen of course.

Before he could get on to the bed himself Liz was sitting upright at the edge of the bed and had already stripped off her top.

“Slowly, now,” he chided gently.

Liz grabbed hold of Red’s shirt and pulled him towards the bed, settling him between her legs. She pushed up his shirt as far as she could from her seated position before letting Red finish the job himself. She’d seen his broad chest before, peeking out from under a button-down shirt, but she’d never seen him like this.

He was imposing, sure, with his wide shoulders and built figure, but the slight roundness to his stomach and the softness in his eyes showed her that in this room, alone with him, she had nothing to fear.

She watched intently as he slowly undid his belt buckle himself. Before he had the chance, she had unzipped him, slipping her hands under the top of her trousers but still allowing the barrier of his underwear between his skin and hers.

He exhaled tightly and closed his eyes – he was more than ready for her now.

Liz put two fingers in his belt loops and slowly drew his trousers down until they were pooled at his feet. Red looked away from her for a moment to free his feet before smiling back down at her again, making her stomach flip. Those soft grins of his were simply devastating.

“My turn.” His voice was husky. Red’s voice was sexy in the most neutral of times, but now… she couldn’t remember the last time she was this turned on. Her body was buzzing with anticipation.

Red gently guided Liz to lay back on the bed as he pulled her jeans down her shapely legs. He watched her bite her lip nervously as he divested her of all but her underwear.

“You okay?” He prodded gently. She gave him a small nod. “We can go as slow as you’d like,” he reassured.

“I’m fine – I’m more than fine. I want to do this,” she insisted. Red was ready to take her word for it, but for some reason it still came across to him as though she was psyching herself up. He wanted nothing more for her to feel safe, wanted, and willing.

“Promise me you’ll tell me if you want to stop, if you feel uncomfortable at all –”

“I promise,” she assured him. “Now get down here.”

Now it was his turn to swoon. There was no sight he loved more than a true Lizzy smile. That smile that told him she was finally content and at ease. That she was free. That she felt whole. In his mind, that smile could say a thousand words.

He took her invitation happily and crawled onto the bed beside her. He took a moment to take her in. They were both propped up on one arm, looking each other over, almost tempting the other to make the first move.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed. He could see a light pink blush begin to colour her cheeks as she averted her gaze. All at once she was becoming painfully aware of her state of undress, but she attempted to keep her confidence up.

“Look at me.” He graced his fingers under her chin, bringing her eyes up to meet his. He drew her in a for a kiss, starting slower this time.

His hand ghosted along the curve from her ribs to her hip as her fingers played tentatively along his chest, weaving in and out of the dense patch of hair there. She loved the softness and the texture – she loved how it reminded her that this was someone different.

Red’s hand made its way back up her body, resting against the band of her bra.

“May I?” He broke away from her for a moment, asking for her permission to go a step further. She gave a small nod, but not before Red could see the slight tension in her brow.

“Are you sure?” He continued.

She thought she’d feel embarrassed by his repetitive questioning of her resolve, but instead it calmed her, as she was sure was his intention. It reminded her that she was in control.

“Maybe I’ll do it myself,” she voiced.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Liz sat up and unclasped her bra behind her back. “It’s just, it’s been a long time,” she began to explain, “and the last time – well, it’s just been a while is all.”

Red rubbed his thumb in circles on her thigh reassuringly. “That’s alright. Please don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I wont,” she said, and let her bra fall to the bed, exposing herself to him for the first time.

Red exhaled slowly, his eyes wide. “You are a masterpiece, Lizzy.”

She looked away awkwardly again. Red looked back up at her face and was pained by the insecurity he saw there.

“Please believe me. At least know that that is truly what I see, even if you don’t.”

“I believe you,” cam her small voice. And she was starting to think that she actually might.

Red sat up to meet her at eye level. “That’s my girl,” he said softly, smoothing her hair with his palm and letting his lips brush against the nape of her neck.

And all at once those feelings were back again – the electricity, arousal, and anticipation.

In a burst of spontaneity Liz placed her hands on Red’s shoulders and pushed him gently back into the bed, straddling him in the process.

“And now you please believe me when I say I’m ready for this,” she said, smiling down at him. “Are you?”

“More than you know.”

Liz’ hand trailed down his chest to his abdomen and then between his legs, her hand finding exactly what she was looking for. “I think I have some idea.”

Liz shifted downwards until she could feel his hardness between her legs, allowing out a small moan of appreciation. She wondered if he could feel her wetness even through their remaining layers.

Liz continued to dry hump him, trying desperately to keep her eyes open. She wanted to experience it all.

Red too was fully immersed in their interaction, and was continuing to become more aroused than he thought was possible.

Liz lifted herself up further on her knees, leaving a small space between the two of their bodies, causing both of them to moan at the loss of contact. She quickly grabbed on to the sides of Red’s boxer briefs, looking up at him for his permission. A small nod was all he could muster, but it was enough for her as she gingerly freed him from his fabric prison.

“Oh my god.” The words slipped breathily out of her mouth before she could stop herself. But, in her defense, she had good reason.

She already had had suspicions that he was well endowed (the man’s pants were always perfectly tailored, and therefore snug in all the right places places), but this was more than she expected…in a good way. Another reminder that this was someone different.

Red let out a small chuckle at her inadvertent exclamation. “You like the view, I take it?”

“It’s quite something,” she responded.

“It is that…” Red trailed off, running a hand up Liz’ side to caress her waist, eyeing her up and down intently, “it is that.”

Liz met his gaze and for the first time she felt she was able to fully take in the compliment. He found her beautiful, and that was just the truth of the matter.

Trying to capitalize on her momentum, Liz divested herself of her own panties, finally exposing herself to him completely.

“Next time you should let me do the honours,” Red breathed, running his palms up the back of her thighs to gently caress her bare ass.

 _Next time?_ She liked the sound of that.

Liz lowered herself back down over him, letting out a soft mewl as they made contact once again. She began to drag herself back and forth over his penis, revelling in the feeling. Her pace was excruciatingly slow, but Red was ready to give her all the time she needed.

Liz’ eyes were closed again, and her head was bowed in concentration, her breathing becoming more intense. Red, too, was unable to stifle a groan, though he had no reason to stay silent. Every primal sound he made went straight to Liz’ core, urging her on as she picked up the pace little by little.

“Oh, Lizzy…” His voice was huskier than she’d ever heard it before, and they hadn’t even gotten to the main event.

And speaking of the main event…

Liz slowed down again and positioned herself at the tip of his cock.

“Lizzy,” Red stilled her with a gentle grasp of her arm, “I don’t have any protection here. I’m sorry.”

“I have a birth control shot – I guess I should have mentioned it earlier; Tom didn’t like –” she began to explain before cutting herself off. Just mentioning his name had put a bitter taste in her mouth. “Well it’s all fine, and I’m healthy.”

“I’m healthy too,” Red responded.

“Good. So there’s no reason not to,” she said.

Red had the nagging feeling that she was trying to psych herself up again.

“Are you sure you want this?” He had to ask.

Liz nodded, “I’m sure. I want you, Red.”

_Those four words…_

Liz positioned herself again and slowly began to let his length enter her. Red kept his hands on her hips, but allowed her to guide her own movements.

She was so wet that she should have been able to take him easily, but she began to tense up again. He could feel her thighs flex around his own as she continued to try to take him in. Small feelings of frustration and embarrassment began to rise up in her chest.

“Go slow, sweetheart,” he encouraged her to take her time, relaxing her slightly.

Though just partly inside, Red felt exquisite. The intimacy they were sharing was not only incredibly arousing on a sexual scale, but he could feel their emotional bond strengthening as well. There was no where else he would have dreamed to be.

Liz experimented with what she could, giving small, shallow thrusts. She looked down at where their bodies connected and her heart skipped a beat.

 _We’re really doing this_ …the weight of the situation felt heavier than before.

Red could feel her tense up again, her early progress reversed.

“I don’t know if I can…” Liz admitted in a small voice.

“That’s okay, it’s all okay,” he reassured her, desperately wanting her to know that he only wanted her to feel safe.

“Please don’t do anything you don’t want to do,” he pleaded with her.

“Maybe we could just do it how we were before, without going all the way. Would that be okay?”

“That would be more than okay. That would be just perfect.” Red took a stray lock of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, taking the time to caress her jawline, holding on to her chin affectionately. “It’s just you and me, darling.”

Little did he know she had heard those words before, but this time they brought her nothing but comfort. Maybe she could see that alone as progress.

Liz began to resume their earlier activities, rocking back and forth against him. She allowed herself to speed up and create more pressure. The feeling of her clit moving against his hard shaft was mesmerizing, and now she knew she didn’t want to stop.

Red was lost in the noises she was making. She had become free again, moving sensually against him and letting out breathy moans with each thrust. He was captivated by her expression, and by the curve and movement of her breast under his palm as he caressed her gently, releasing from her another one of those intoxicating sounds.

“I – I think I’m close,” she breathed and he felt her opening become even warmer and wetter than it had been before.

“That’s right, sweetheart. Come for me, Lizzy,” he was aching to feel her release, and even more so to watch her experiencing such pleasure.

The tip of Red’s penis was wet with his own pre-cum as well, and he was closer than he would have liked to admit. He knew the moment Lizzy let go he would release in an instant.

“Come on,” he heard Liz whisper to herself as she increased her pace again, her head thrown back in desire, a look of equal parts bliss and concentration painted on her face.

All of a sudden that picture changed as she gasped at the unexpected intrusion of sound into their private bubble. Red was broken quickly out of his reverie, laying one hand on Liz’ thigh to calm her while propping himself up with the other.

“It’s just the satellite phone, Lizzy. It must be Dembe.”

He could hardly believe how bad this timing was. But, attempting to put things in perspective, he knew that word from Dembe was the most important thing right now.

Liz scrambled off of him, her heart beating wildly from both her near climax and her shock. Red picked himself off the bed and grabbed the satellite phone from its place on the dresser by the door.

“Dembe?” Red answered the call, still standing across the room from Liz.

She watched as he took in whatever information Dembe was relaying to him. She was a mess of thoughts, feelings and emotions. Her body was well aware that it had missed out on what was sure to be a brilliant and much-needed orgasm, and she could feel the blood pulsing between her legs. Simultaneously she was desperate to hear an update on their situation, wanting so badly to know if Dembe had good news or bad. All this while she watched a naked Raymond Reddington, still erect and trying to catch his breath. If the situation weren’t so overwhelming (and partially arousing), she’d almost find it comical.

As Red continued to listen intently, Liz become more aware of her current situation, and tried to wrap herself up in the bedsheets in an attempt to clothe herself. Red was too engrossed in the conversation (or too confident) to make any alteration to his stance, so Liz took the opportunity to study her handiwork.

She didn’t think she’d ever not find that erection impressive. And she hoped to high heaven she’d get another chance to marvel at it.

“Thank you, Dembe,” she heard him say into the phone, “I’ll be in touch tomorrow.”

Red placed the phone back on the dresser and looked back at Liz still sat up on the bed but now wrapped tightly in the sheets.

“Well that was excellent timing,” he quipped sarcastically.

“I’ll say.” Liz let out a small chuckle.

There was a beat of silence where neither of them were quite sure which avenue of conversation to pursue.

“What did Dembe say?” Liz decided that, all things considered, this was probably the most important line of questioning.

“It’s good news,” he began. In their brief silence he had realized he was probably a little underdressed, and picked up his underwear from the floor. While Liz was slightly disappointed that he was covering up – although she couldn’t blame him, as she had just done the same – she had to admit that it made it slightly easier to concentrate. Although as he was still quite hard, he was still putting on somewhat of a show.

“Dembe connected with Abby Watt, and she’s willing to help out,” he explained, sitting back down on the side of the bed. “It’s a start, at least.”

“When will we leave here?” Liz asked.

“Tomorrow morning. We’ll hike out again and we’ll be picked up where we were dropped off. Dembe’s already in France with Abby, and we both think it’s best for him to stay put. She can be a fickle little thing at the worst of times, so I’d like him to stick around to keep an eye on her. But I really do think she’ll be our biggest asset.”

Liz took a moment to process the new information.

“Everything alright?” He broke their silence.

“Uh, yeah, fine… just a little overwhelmed I guess.”

“I know it’s a lot,” Red responded empathetically. “I promise you we’ll get through this. Again, I’m so sorry for putting you in this mess.”

Liz shook her head, “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“It is –” he began.

“Well, the past is the past, and you can’t change it now. And I’m still happy to be here with you.”

“Thank you, Lizzy. But you should know that I completely understand if you blame me for all of this. I know I do.”

“Right now all I blame you for is feeling sexually frustrated.” Liz smiled, wanting to lift the cloud that had come between them.

Red let out a laugh. “I blame Dembe for that,” he retorted.

Neither of them knew exactly how they should react – whether to try and resume their activities or call it a night.

“Well we’ve got a long day tomorrow,” Red began, “maybe some sleep is in order.” Considering her hesitation when they had been deep in the moment, he didn’t want her to feel pressured in the slightest now that the haze had lifted.

Liz was surprised how relieved she felt at this suggestion.

“I think you’re probably right,” she said. But despite not wanting to pick up where they left off, she wasn’t quite ready to go to bed alone. “Would you mind if I slept in here, though?”

Red’s face broke out into a handsome smile. “I would love that, sweetheart.”

Liz smiled shyly back. “Good. Okay, good,” she trailed awkwardly, “well I’m just going to go get ready for bed then, and I’ll meet you back here.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Red watched the cogs turn in Liz’ head as she decided how to escape the burrito of bedsheets she’d created for herself. Finally, she decided just to go for it, unwrapping herself, and quickly walking out of the door. Red happily watched her naked form scurry out of the room and out of sight.

He was sure he was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

And he would get to sleep next to her tonight.

And he was starting to think his erection would never go down.

He reclined on the bed, taking a moment to reflect on all that had just happened. Everything had felt so right, despite the hiccups, although he didn’t really see them as such. That was just reality, truth, and inevitable baggage.

After all, he carried his own.

Although he was surprised that he hadn’t even thought about his scars once that night before now. In fact, he wasn’t even sure if she knew they were there or not.

 _Perhaps she saw them when I went for the phone_ , he thought.

_But surely she would have said something. Or at least made a face._

_They all do that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone get the title reference?


End file.
